


Broken Puzzle

by kinkymochi



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alpha Shin Hoseok | Wonho, Alpha Son Hyunwoo | Shownu, Alpha/Beta/Omega Dynamics, Alpha/Omega, Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Beta Chae Hyungwon, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Multi, Omega Lee Jooheon, Omega Lee Minhyuk, Omega Verse, Omega Yoo Kihyun, Pack Dynamics, So don't worry, also here are some tags i forgot lol even though it's months later, also i'm making this on a whim at 3am, beta changkyun, but at least in the beginning there'll be a lot of it, idk why i'm warning u of that but here we are lol, it's not entirely angst, so like
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-29
Updated: 2019-06-24
Packaged: 2019-07-04 03:52:42
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply, Rape/Non-Con
Chapters: 6
Words: 30,209
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15833211
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kinkymochi/pseuds/kinkymochi
Summary: Kihyun is an omega, or rather that's what he's supposed to be; he's supposed to be a healthy omega with proper heats, because if an omega went too long without them it had dangerous effects on their health. Kihyun hadn't told the group what he was, much less that he abused illegal suppressant meds, so the group thought that he was either a beta or unpresented. The other members thought it was a bit strange that Kihyun was quite nearly scentless, but they never questioned it (at least not t his face). Unfortunately, this also caused the members to forget that Kihyun was in the room half of the time. Kihyun always swallowed his emotions and dealt with it, until the day arrived where it all came crashing down on him.





	1. Chapter 1

Kihyun, even though most people didn't see it, had a complex personality. He was like the intricate puzzle box that not everyone had the skills to solve, but always managed to lure people in with friendliness and a kind smile. A lot of people knew Kihyun, and there was few he considered good friends, but most people didn't talk to him for decent lengths of time. It was short, cut conversations forced out of curiosity and politeness; not because of anything Kihyun did, but rather a lack thereof. Kihyun's sub-gender was a mystery to most, if not all, not even the company knew. Starship had tried grilling him about it once before, though it just ended with Kihyun angrily storming out of the office with hot tears rolling down his cheeks. So, the company just avoided the question and topic all together, and if it came up in fansigns or interviews then the rest of the members would promptly divert the conversation. Honestly, the rest of Monsta X wondered the same thing more often than any of them would like to admit. Though in the beginning they felt partially guilty; Kihyun was their friend and a member of their group, and figured Kihyun would tell them if he wanted them to know.

As a result of not knowing his sub-gender, they couldn't give Kihyun the bite and make him a pack member like they had done with everyone else. Not that Kihyun wanted to be a part of the pack anyway (mostly due to the fact that if he were to get the bite, they'd find out what he was anyway and maybe a bit of bitterness as well), having already refused the offer three times, and no one made a move to ask him a fourth time. Kihyun kept his darkest secrets tightly under wraps, and if anyone threatened to take that cloak of disguise away, they were promptly met with anger. Kihyun, despite virtually never telling anyone, was actually an omega, and a very needy one at that. Not that needy omegas were any less than other omegas or subgenders, it just meant that he needed more attention and affection than other omegas. It wasn't the neediness of physical intimacy like sex, but rather things far more platonic in nature; hugs, cuddling, conversation, he needed good energy to feed off of to make himself happy Unfortunately, due to him not telling anyone, his needs were never met, which was a dangerous thing.

Omegas needed certain levels of attention, affection, and physical contact to not only have a healthy mind, but also a healthy body. Kihyun though, took heavy levels of illegal and dangerous suppressants, supplied from an underground source that he met with every month under the guise of him going out for a walk. To the core, he truly hated his omega nature, growing not only an intense hatred for himself that was rooted to is bones, but also a great deal of fear. A big reason why he was scared of being an omega was his career; what if the fans saw him differently? What if they loved and supported him less? What if he disappointed them? His entire group? The Starship company?! That was another thing that scared him; the fear and potential outcome of being kicked out of Monsta X due to what he was. God, he didn't know what he'd do without his group, even if he wasn't a member of the pack. There was already two omegas in the group, and he didn't want to throw things out of balance by adding himself to the mix, seeing as how there was just two alphas, as well as two betas.

It was like a perfect balance, and Kihyun didn't want to disrupt it. He was hoped and prayed he'd be a beta when he transitioned, but given his family lineage, part of him knew how doubtful it was. Part of him knew how likely it was that he'd present as omega or alpha, and since he had shown omega traits as a child, he should've known it was impossible. The pack usually forgot he even shared the dorm with them, but he never showed any outward signs of being angry about it; he just gave a bittersweet smile, and said that it was fine whenever it was brought up. that's not to be misinterpreted though, as deep in his heart he did hold a strong bitterness about everything but he was so deprived of any attention, and combined with his hectic schedule, his anger rarely surfaced. Aside from his many, many, **_many_ ** list of fears, another reason why he so desperately tried to cover up his own sub-gender was due to his past. He had been the victim of more than a few disgusting acts, most he'd very much like to forget about, and even though people didn't have a biased view of sub-genders in society anymore (mostly), there were still those that caused problems.

Unfortunately, Kihyun seemed to be a magnet for these disgusting people, like a moth to a flame. Those incidents are things he's never told a single soul; not his doctor, not his family, nobody. Not even his pillow at night, not a single soul in the world knows  but him and those people. He dealt with the trauma on his own, or so he thought, but somewhere inside he knows he hasn't fully healed. Just healed enough to go through the day without breaking down. Maybe it was his severe depression speaking, but he didn't blame people for forgetting about him; hell, if he could he'd forget about himself too, but there's no way for that to be possible. Though, it didn't stop it from hurting him any less every time it happened, he just simply didn't tell anyone about how much it wounded him. Still, even with how he's been treated, he'd take a bullet for each and every single one of them, even if he felt like they wouldn't do the same for him. There were still times when he would (rarely) be cuddled, his aching heart squeezing tightly in his chest on those rare times from being neglected for so long, but due to his lack of a scent, it never usually lasted long.

Minhyuk was usually the one that wanted to cuddle with him on those rare occasions; randomly plopping himself in Kihyun's lap and gently trying to mark the other with his scent. Kihyun would start out holding him gently, but in the end would hold him like his life depended on it, and maybe it did. Maybe all he really was living for were those small, tiny breaks in his mystery exterior where he'd finally get the attention he craved. All good things come to an end though, and after a while of trying and failing, due to Kihyun's powerful suppressants, Minhyuk would frustratedly get off and go to find someone else. Typically one of the betas, either Hyungwon or Changkyun seeing as how the both of them were always eager to engage in a scent-marking session. Especially when that session involved Minhyuk's addicting scent of melted chocolate and oranges. While he found Minhyuk's scent just as addicting as the others did, and a runner up for his favourite scent, he personally took comfort in another member's scent: Wonho. At least, he started to anyway.

The only way Kihyun could possibly describe the younger alphas scent was that it was like running into a river in the middle of the forest; strong, yet gentle, which went well with Wonho. Wonho was the only one that didn't entirely ignore his existence, at first anyway. Though, it seemed like everyone fell into the painful habit of forgetting about him at some point. The difference is it hurt more with Wonho, because for a split moment there, he really thought Wonho saw him as a person and not just a ghost. Wonho's scent was calming, or it used to be; now it's just a painful reminder that Kihyun's never going to be seen as normal. Shownu, on the other hand, smelled like a campfire and freshly brewed coffee; it was very strong, but it also comforted everyone he was around. Well, everyone that wasn't Kihyun anyway. Shownu's scent just set him on edge, an intense nervousness from his past experiences with alphas. Wonho was really the only alpha that was an exception. Not anymore though, now Wonho's beginning to have the same effect on him.

Shownu's scent also matched him well, seeing as how the older alpha wasn't one to want to intimidate someone unless the situation called for it. He was very friendly, and was just a giant teddy bear in the disguise of a very tall and strong Shownu. Out of everyone though, Changkyun and Hyungwon had the most calming scents by a long shot. Their youngest beta smelled like vanilla and coconut, while Hyungwon smelled like a bookstore and a bakery all wrapped up in one person. Jooheon, ironically enough smelled like pure honey with a twinge of amber, and when you mix that with Changkyun's scent of vanilla and coconut, it's easy to get yourself drunk off of the fragrance. It didn't help that the two were practically inseparable, especially when Jooheon was in heat, because then the entire fucking _dorm_ smelled like a blissful combination of the both of them. Kihyun didn't really remember what he smelled like anymore, the last time he had let himself produce enough scent to know what it was had been so long ago, probably when he was around Changkyun's age.

To be honest, nobody knew what Kihyun smelled like, and sometimes Minhyuk had been so close to smelling a scent coming off of the shorter, but it never lasted long enough for him to be able to tell. At least if Minhyuk knew what Kihyun smelled like he could find out what sub-gender he was without directly asking. Betas usually had calming scents, while omega scents were even more addictive than alpha scents. Omegas always had an addicting scent, no matter how light or strong, it was _always_ addicting. From Jooheon's soft honey-amber or Minhyuk's strong chocolate-orange smell, the scents always drew others in for more. Alphas usually smelled of something strong, even if it was followed be something gentle, there was usually a strong twinge to it. Like Wonho's forest twinge to his scent, or Shownu's campfire twinge to his scent. They say that everyone's mate will perfectly match their scent, and if that was true then Jooheon was definitely meant for Changkyun, and Hyungwon with Shownu. Nobody seemed to pay much attention to it, because the six of them were pack-mates, and that meant they truly did love everyone.

 

Enter the left out member, Yoo Kihyun, stage right.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> hey!! this chapter is so short because it's kind of like a beginning filler for the next chapter :))
> 
> also i rated it with the r/noncon tag because it's in his past, but i won't be going into like ,,,, great detail about it


	2. Chapter 2

Kihyun sat on the cold floor, carefully wrapped up in a blanket, and out of the way of the couch. Kihyun had long ago mentally deemed the couch only for the pack, and since he wasn't a part of the pack, he felt like he didn't get the privilege. The rather small blanket was something he had snagged from Wonho's room; it wasn't the comforter or anything, it was just a small blanket that Wonho often kept in his room for whatever reason. Kihyun was cold and his nerves were currently through the roof, another side effect of the suppressants he was taking. It wasn't uncommon for them to use one anothers things, like shirts or blankets, though it was mostly the omegas who did it. The betas were more content with actually stealing the item in question, and then giving it back when the scent had worn off. So, when Wonho walked into the living room to see Kihyun wrapped in his blanket, he found it a bit odd to say the least. He didn't expect for Kihyun to even want to do something like that, he had always thought the other to be asexual or something and that's why the subject was so touchy, there wasn't a lot of people who were asexual after presenting.

Being asexual after presenting didn't even really have anything to do with what subgender you were, though betas are statistically more likely to be asexual. On top of that, to Wonho, it explained why Kihyun had no scent. Asexuals didn't really have a scent unless they got scent marked by someone, their bodies didn't produce any because of the lack of sex drive. They usually didn't belong to any pack, and it was ill-advised due to the lack of knowledge of how being bitten would impact their bodies. It was sort of a grey area in scientific and medical knowledge; due to how rare asexuals were and how most people typically aren't open to being experimented on for science. There's horror stories of people being force-bitten into a pack, and half of those victims end up going 'off the deep end' for a lack of a better term. Other times it can lead to someone being a walking zombie, or a robot of sorts, and the dangers and risks were too great. Though, while some parts of society tended to have a negative bias towards asexuals, regardless of subgender, Wonho didn't.

Wonho wasn't one to judge like that, or have a closed mind; Wonho was a very open-minded, albeit clingy, alpha with a heart bigger than himself. He couldn't help but think the younger man looked rather cute all bundled up like a burrito, in a blanket that was small for Wonho but a little big for Kihyun. Wonho didn't know that Kihyun had been using that specific blanket mainly for the scent, in an effort to try to discreetly calm his nerves. Otherwise he would've just gotten a blanket off of his own bed. Of course, not that anyone would notice Kihyun having a mental breakdown anyway. Kihyun's eyes were glued to the television, intently watching a documentary on sharks and deep-sea creatures. He would tell Kihyun how absolutely adorable he looked, similar to how he would praise the other omegas, before he remembered that Kihyun wasn't an omega. Whatever he was, he wasn't going to tell them, so he shouldn't just assume things. He bit back the words that wanted to leave his lips, and instead casually walked over to Kihyun, who hadn't noticed the older until he had gotten booped on the nose. Kihyun looked up, startled by the sudden contact.

 

"Sorry, I didn't mean to scare you." Wonho gently apologized, smiling a little.

"It's...It's fine," Kihyun said shortly.

"I see you're enjoying the blanket." Wonho joked, though Kihyun didn't take it as that.

"Ah, yeah, sorry," Kihyun quickly shrugged off the blanket, "I just got cold," He handed the blanket to Wonho.

"Kihyun-ah, I was just joking," Wonho said with slightly furrowed brows, "Why aren't you on the couch?"

"Oh, uh," Kihyun tried to think of something, "That's where you guys cuddle and stuff, so..."

"The scents make you uncomfortable?" Wonho questioned, and Kihyun nodded even though it wasn't true.

"Uhh, yeah, I mean no and yes?" Kihyun awkwardly said as he rubbed the back of his neck.

"Ah, I understand, it's just too strong?" Wonho offered again, and Kihyun was thankful he didn't have to come up with a lie that wouldn't hurt anyone's feelings.

"Yeah, yeah that's it." Kihyun smiled weakly, letting Wonho take the blanket from him.

"Are you sure you're not cold?" Wonho questioned, slightly concerned.

"No, I'm okay," Kihyun kept his shivering to a bare minimum, "If I get cold again I can just go grab a thicker sweater," Kihyun quickly excused, "Sorry for taking your blanket like that, it was just the first thing I saw." That was an outright lie.

"It's fine, I was just a little surprised to see you with it is all." Wonho casually commented, and a small amount of panic welled up inside Kihyun.

"Oh, sorry!" Kihyun was quick to apologize again, "I didn't mean to, I won't do it again."

"That's not-" Wonho began.

"It's fine." Kihyun smiled, and it was enough to convince a wary Hoseok that he was alright.

 

He could hear his heart thumping against his chest.

 

They couldn't find out he was an omega.

 

They couldn't find out.

 

He had been too careless lately, and if he didn't start watching himself more, then the whole pack was going to find out his dirty little secret.

 

That can't happen.

 

"Okay, I'm going to be going to the gym and then studio actually, so do you mind telling everyone when they get back?" Wonho questioned and Kihyun nodded.

"Of course!" Kihyun promised, wanting to be useful.

"Okay, awesome," Wonho smiled again, "I'll put this away then I'll get going."

 

Wonho left almost too quickly for Kihyun's liking, and even though he might have seemed like he didn't want to engage in much conversation, it couldn't be more the opposite. He was starving for attention, but he had self restraint; he knew if he let himself ask for things like a hug or continued the conversation, it would only raise red flags. He couldn't and wouldn't give into any part of his omega side, and while it actually pained him to do so, he ignored it. He had to be somewhere soon anyway, more specifically his dealer. One of the reasons why he was so nervous and jittery today is because he ran out of his supplements too early. There had been days where he forgot whether or not he took it, and just ended up taking another dose. It wasn't as if an extra dose was going to hurt him anyway, right? So no big deal, just meant he'd have to see his dealer earlier than he normally would. Not that his dealer minded, as long as Kihyun had the cash, the guy was more than willing to supply Kihyun with what he needed. Kihyun was a frequent customer of almost four years now, so time was always made when Kihyun needed more of the supplements earlier than usual.

He shivered a bit as he watched Hoseok leave for the gym, wearing clothes that only made him look even more attractive than he normally was. That was a thought Kihyun needed to shake out of his mind, he never stood a chance with the alpha anyway. Firstly, he wasn't even a part of the pack, and since Kihyun never planned on telling them he was omega, the likelihood that he'd become a part of the pack was slim to none. Secondly, Wonho didn't even talk to him on a regular basis, outside of concerts, fansigns, and interviews, Kihyun was practically a ghost. He was to all of them. Thirdly, Wonho was too perfect for someone as fucked up as he was, he didn't deserve Wonho. So there was no point in letting himself think things like that when there was nothing waiting for him but heartbreak. He felt his nervousness and stress rise from a lack of taking the suppressants that day, and he started doing one of the only things that helped: cleaning. He cleaned the dorm from top to bottom, even going as far as to properly rearrange the nest that they all had together, though Kihyun was usually sleeping alone in a separate part of the room.

The cleaning distracted him from the rising body temperature edging in the back of his mind, threatening to throw himself into shock due a lack of the pills. He threw another dustpan full of dirt away in the trash, putting the broom and pan up to instead clean the kitchen, which was the only area he had yet to clean. He cleaned the dishes, scrubbed the counters, sprayed sanitary chemicals on various surfaces, rearranged the refrigerator since there was a weird smell coming from it. After close and thorough inspection, he found out that it was a bottle of expired milk and expired take-out that were the culprits of the foul odor. He sighed, throwing them away, and then pausing. He had cleaned everything, and it wasn't even time for him to leave yet, and the other members of his group hadn't arrived. Instead of doing what most people would do, which was read a book, or listen to music, maybe even paint, he did was Kihyun was notorious for: stress baking. Now, when most people stress bake, it's usually maybe a pan of cookies, or maybe just a really large stack of pancakes, but not Kihyun.

Kihyun was the type to stress bake until both the oven and the stove were in full occupation, and until there was about five plates worth of chocolate chip cookies strewn about the kitchen. That's exactly what ended up happening, with him having an apron on and with about six plates of chocolate chip cookies placed on various surfaces in the kitchen, with two sheets of cookies still baking in the oven. The stove was occupied with what was everyone's favourite dinner to have, except doubled in proportions, along with two pots of white rice cooking. The timer went off, signaling that the cookies in the oven were done, and he quickly put on the oven mitts and took out the two cookie pans. He carefully set them on a free space on the counter, letting them cool off before he bothered with taking them off the sheet. He closed the oven door, taking the mitts off and turning the oven off. A sigh escaped his lips as he threw the mitts on the counter, deciding not to make anymore cookies. He instead focused on the meat and noodles that were on the stove, making sure that they were cooked to perfection.

That was right about when the other members walked through, and luckily Kihyun was already done cooking everything and had turned the stove off. He quickly took the apron off, throwing it over one of the dining chairs as he walked past it, eager to leave so he could meet his dealer. The guys didn't notice Kihyun as he brushed passed them to put on his vans, slipping a jacket over himself before turning towards the other members of his group. It had been Jooheon, Minhyuk, and Changkyun that had arrived home first before the others, and Kihyun figured that the three of them could just give the memo to the others.

 

"Guys?" Kihyun spoke up, trying to get their attention, "Guys."

Nothing.

"Hey!" Kihyun called again, this time louder.

"Oh, hey Kihyun." Changkyun finally noticed.

"Wonho wanted me to tell you guys that he went to the gym and-" Kihyun said, but the younger's attention was already back on the other two.

 

Kihyun sighed, tapping Jooheon on the shoulder a few times, only to have him shrug away. Kihyun felt tears well up in his eyes, but he quickly blinked them back. This is what he asked for, and this is what he deserved. He shouldn't cry about it, this is the way everyone should treat him.He sighed, looking at the floor and clearing his throat before speaking again.

 

"Guys!" Kihyun said, louder than he had times before.

"Yeah, Kihyun?" Minhyuk questioned, slightly annoyed.

"Wonho just wanted me to tell you he went to the gym and that-" Kihyun said and Minhyuk did a short nod.

"Yeah, we know, he texted us," Minhyuk informed, "So if you don't mind." Minhyuk gestured, signaling he'd like to go back to talking without any further interruption.

 

Kihyun sighed, letting out a dry laugh as he nodded, quickly taking his leave out the front door. Of course Wonho had completely forgotten about the fact that he already told Kihyun to tell the others. Why did Kihyun expect anything else? He'd never know, he just hoped he'd be able to be useful for something. He didn't blame people for constantly forgetting he existed entirely, there was nothing memorable about him. He didn't have a scent, he wasn't as funny and playful as Minhyuk, or as cute and sweet as Wonho, or as knowledgeable as Changkyun. He didn't have an amazing rap ability like Jooheon, he wasn't this triple threat like Hyungwon, or simply had a wide range of skills like Shownu had. He was simply Kihyun, the guy in Monsta X with good vocals, and sometimes had good visuals, but that was it. He was just Kihyun, the worthless guy who hated himself so much that he took illegal suppressants as a coping mechanism. A rain droplet hit his face, reminding him that he was outside and kind of just awkwardly standing outside of the door.

Another sigh left his lungs before he pulls the hoodie part of his jacket up and took off in the direction of the location he always met the dealer at. It was an alley that was sandwiched between a corner store and an always-closed furniture shop. He made a quick stop at an ATM, pulling out about $100 more than the usual amount. The dealer had told him there might be a slight price increase, but he didn't know anything for sure yet, and Kihyun just wanted to be on the safe side. The last thing you wanted to do was to show up at a deal you arranged and you ended up short on cash. He slipped his black face mask on, not wanting to be recognized by anyone; not that it would happen anyway, but, again, Kihyun just wanted to be sure. He slipped the money into his jacket pocket before quickly heading to the now close-by alley, thankful that it wasn't dark yet. It was only mid-afternoon, but the rainy sky had turned itself grey, making it seem later than it actually was. Minhyuk hated the rain, and always said that a rainy day was never a happy day, but personally Kihyun didn't mind so long as it wasn't too hot or too cold.

He remembered the first time he had met with his dealer, he was around Changkyun's age and the guy had saved him from a morally-questionable attack that was caused because Kihyun was close to his heat. It was pure coincidence that the dude was even in the area, he was actually supposed to be on the other side of town handing out specially ordered merchandise, but the client had cancelled last minute and he had come this way because of another order. He had looked at Kihyun with sorry eyes, that had an angry spark because of the events that might've taken place had he not been there to save this poor omega. The guy himself was a beta, something Kihyun immediately noticed about the fellow. It was comforting, because if it was another alpha Kihyun would've probably lost his shit. It was a dark night, with thunder in the skies but no rain had fallen yet.

 

_"Listen, kid, I think we both know what was about to happen," The guy had started, "And what would've happened had I not been here."_

_"Yeah, thanks for helping me, by the way," Kihyun stumbled out over a shaky voice, "This happens to me more often than I'm comfortable admitting."_

_Kihyun took a moment to look the guy over, noticing that he had on black clothing from head to toe, as well as a black bandanna covering most of his face. The man's eyes were dark, almost pools of ink inside of hooded eyes. The man was a few inches taller than him, but their stature was the same, but the man might be either a bit lankier than him or just a bit more muscular. Kihyun couldn't really tell with the jacket the guy had on, but he imagined that, that was the entire idea (or at least part of it). He could see a little bit of his hair, even though it was dark and with the hood the guy had on, and the guy had thick black hair with the sides shaved and various symbols buzzed into them. Whoever this guy was definitely didn't fuck around, and definitely didn't leave room for anyone to cross him. Everything about the man screamed that he was straightforward and down to business, probably was a part of the guys personality at this point._

_"How often would you say, if you had to give me a number?"_

_"Uhh," Kihyun had paused to think, "I'd say about at least three times a week?"_

_"That's a fucking huge number, what's your name?"_

_"Kihyun, yours?"_

_"Not important, but most people just call me by my nickname, Mouse."_

_"Why's that?"_

_"Also not important," Mouse had coolly dismissed, "But I might have something for you."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_"You're tired of dealing with this right? It's disgusting, you can't even walk out of your house without someone trying to get their rocks off on you," Mouse was clearly disgusted at the topic, "You tired of people seeing you as an object instead of a person? You want to do something about it?"_

_"Well, yeah, that'd be great honestly," Kihyun said quietly, "I came out tonight to get some snacks from the corner store, and then you know..."_

_"Exactly, I might have something for you," Mouse pulled out a bag from a pocket on the inside of his jacket, "These may or may not be legal, but they work like a mother fucker. They're called suppressant pills, and they'll get rid of any evidence of you being an omega."_

_"I've heard of suppressant pills, aren't they dangerous?"_

  
_"Very, but not in the way you're thinking. It's not going to make you brain dead, it won't give you cancer, or anything like that. It's just a powerful little pill that will suppress your heats, your scent, everything."_

_"Then why's it illegal?"_

_"Because it was seen as inhumane. You take these for too long and your body will do some crazy shit," He held the pill up, "Most of my clients that take these for long periods of time end up getting a really powerful heat thrown onto them as soon as they go without taking it."_

_"Oh..." Was all Kihyun managed to say._

_"So what do you say?"_

_Kihyun had went silent, mulling the idea over. He really didn't see a downside to what Mouse had been telling him, I mean there was the thing with the heats, but if he just never stopped taking them then he wouldn't have to worry about it. Truthfully, he hadn't been able to call Mouse out as a liar on anything he said, because the fact of the matter was that he was tired. He was tired of being an omega, of not being able to walk out of the house out of fear of something happening, tired of having to tiptoe around everyone else, and having his biology prevent him from doing certain things. Heats were terrible for him, he never had anyone to help him through it, and he didn't dare go out to buy a knotted toy. The one time he did had ended with a group of guys trying to corner him in an alley, but thankfully Kihyun was small and fast. He had lost what he had bought in the haste of the chase and just desperately trying to get home in one piece. Just as he was about to speak, Mouse did first, sensing his slight uneasiness._

_"Tell you what, Kid, I'll give you these on me," He pulled out four pills, "This is enough for one day. You take these, try them out and see if you like the way it makes you feel, and if you like the effects, then you come back here a day from now at this exact time and location. We'll discuss prices and everything then, deal?"_

_"Deal." Kihyun had nodded._

_"Kay, don't lose 'em, alright? You take two in the morning as soon as you wake up, one in the afternoon, and then one more at night."_

_"Okay sounds easy enough." Kihyun held his hands out, and Mouse dropped the pills into his hands._

_"Might wanna eat or drink something with them the first time round." Mouse warned and Kihyun nodded._

_"Thank you, again." Kihyun said and the guy nodded._

_"Anything to help the little guy." And with that, the guy was gone._

  
Four years later, and he couldn't believe how vividly he still remembered it. While he never mentioned it anymore, he really was thankful for what Mouse had done, these pills had been a life saver. He hadn't thought twice about meeting him that second time to establish the client relationship with him, and officially call Mouse his dealer. They had exchanged phone numbers, but Mouse always had a changing phone number, so they eventually just traded Kakao ID's instead, and Kihyun contacted Mouse through there whenever he needed to. Mouse had warned him at the second meeting not to abuse the pills too much, otherwise he really would fuck up his system, but Mouse also said that he wasn't there to babysit either and what Kihyun did wasn't really his concern. Kihyun had figured it was more like something Mouse morally felt like he had to tell him, while also trying to maintain the fact that Mouse had no emotional attachment to any of his clients. That being said, if Mouse had to pick, he'd say Kihyun was his easiest and best client by far.

Other clients of his had things going for them; how much they buy, how often they come around, how they rope other people into it, but Kihyun was another story. Kihyun was just very patient, and never really questioned Mouse or got angry, or held him at gunpoint for a lower price. Kihyun was a very calm and collected individual, and it was a nice break to come to deliver to Kihyun and not expect to get shot or something. Mouse knew damn well that Kihyun wouldn't even be capable of shooting someone, but he didn't take advantage of that. Mouse didn't grow attachments to his clients, he always made that clear to everyone he dealt to, but that didn't stop him from feeling a little bad by the sudden price increase. The increase in price was only because it was harder to get the pills into the country now due to stricter regulations and more advanced technology, so they needed to compensate for how much more it was costing for them to get these things in. It was all just good business, and he knew that Kihyun understood and would probably put up a little bit of an argument when he heard how much it was increasing by, but wouldn't push for anything too much.

Kihyun had just rounded the corner, eyes instantly met with the dark figure known as Mouse, and they exchanged a handshake and a shoulder bump. Kihyun was honestly so glad and relieved to see him, he was worried that he'd end up going into that heat he had been warned about all that time ago. Kihyun sighed, deciding to get straight to the point so they could get it out of the way.

 

"How much more we talking?" Kihyun questioned with a quiet voice.

"Right now it's $75, boss wanted to give you a break the first time round to get you used to the new price, next time we meet it'll be $100 and that's where it'll stay." Mouse informed, voice clear even through the bandanna.

"$100? That's a lot, Mouse." Kihyun said, eyebrows raised, "I mean don't get me wrong, I appreciate the break this time, but still."

"It's getting a lot harder to get these guys here, it's using more resources than it did before, and we're actually giving you a hell of a break," Mouse calmly informed, "Other clients are getting charged twice and sometimes triple that."

"No, like I said I appreciate it and I understand, don't get me wrong," Kihyun replied, "It's just going to be harder to explain where I'm spending the money now."

"I get it bro, don't worry. We all have bills to pay and whatnot, I get ya." Mouse nodded, pleased that this was going so well.

"Yeah, I wasn't trying to sound rude or anything, it just threw me for a loop is all." Kihyun excused.

"Understandable. You got the cash?" Mouse questioned, also getting straight to the point.

"Yeah, I pulled out extra today because I remembered what you said." Kihyun said, getting the envelope of money out.

"Alright, cool, hit me up with 475." He said and Kihyun nodded, pulling out the extra $25 he had in there and shoved it in his pocket.

"Should all be there." Kihyun handed the envelope to Mouse, who did a quick inspection.

"And here's your order." Mouse said, handing Kihyun a brown paper bag.

"See you next month," Kihyun said, beginning to walk out of the alley.

"Ditto."

Kihyun took his leave of the alley, quickly walking back home with the bag in his hands. The rain fell harder, and he decided it was probably in his best interest to put the paper bag in his pocket, that way the bag won't rip and spill his pills everywhere. He got back to the dorm in record time, taking his shoes off and quickly putting his jacket on the rack, and took the bag out. Kihyun made a b-line for the kitchen, grabbing one of the many cookies that he had cooked, and quickly fished out a couple pills from the bag, and took them as he ate the cookie. Within a few minutes he instantly felt better, his nerves down considerably. He hung his head over the kitchen faucet, breathing heavily from how quickly he had walked here. Okay, it was really more of him running, but still. He let out a big sigh before grabbing his bag and turning to move out of the kitchen, only to be met with the curious eyes of Hyungwon.

 

"What are those, Kihyun?" Hyungwon questioned with a confused tone, that ended up coming out as accusatory.

"N-Nothing, just vitamins," Kihyun excused quickly, "I'm taking fish oil."

Hyungwon raised a brow, "Fish oil? You're taking fish oil?" Kihyun nodded, "Why?"

"Uhh," Kihyun's mind froze, "What am I taking it for?"

"Yeah, I mean it's so random." Hyungwon pointed out.

"My uh, for my uh," Kihyun stumbled.

"Yes?" Hyungwon encouraged, growing a bit irritated.

"For my....Immune system?" Kihyun said, coming out as more of a question.

"You, Yoo Kihyun, are taking fish oil vitamins for your immune system?" Hyungwon questioned, and Kihyun nodded quickly, "You haven't even been sick in ages."

 

Actually, Kihyun had just gotten over the flu a few days ago, and the fact that Hyungwon didn't notice hurt him. He forgot that he doesn't actually matter to people, he almost thought Hyungwon cared about him there for a minute.

 

"Isn't fish oil usually clear or yellowish?" Hyungwon prodded.

"Yeah, I think." Kihyun agreed, not thinking his words through, "Why is this so important?" Kihyun's voice was a bit angry now.

"So then why were your pills red?" Hyungwon questioned.

"Uhh," Kihyun froze again, eyes wide, "They're these new salmon oil pills that just came out."

"Oh, cool." Hyungwon seemed to take the excuse, "Weird I guess, but cool. For a second I thought you were taking drugs."

"What?!" Kihyun exclaimed.

"Sorry, it was just the first thing I thought of." Hyungwon said, though it sounded like he didn't truly mean his apology.

"Nice to know I've been put so low that you'd instantly think I was on drugs." Kihyun accused and Hyungwon sighed.

"I said sorry, Kihyun, take it or leave it." Hyungwon said, grabbing a few cookies and leaving.

 

Kihyun sighed, both stressed and relieved; that had been a close one, too close. He was glad that Hyungwon didn't find out, but he was angry that Hyungwon was so quick to write him off as a druggie. Did his members really not know him that well? Did they really think of him so low? Did they really think that he'd risk his career over something like that? That he'd risk the happiness of his fans and company over drugs? That didn't sit well with Kihyun, and it definitely stung to know that. If Hyungwon thinks of him like that, then what's to stop the rest of them from thinking of him like that? There was nothing. Nothing stopping anyone he knew from putting Kihyun so low on the totem poll. I mean, yeah sure, Kihyun was a little irrational at times, but he wasn't stupid! He'd never do drugs! He'd never do anything like heroin or anything like that! Firstly, he was too much of a chicken shit to do it. Second, he'd be putting literally his ENTIRE CAREER on the line! The same career he worked his whole LIFE to get! Being in Monsta X was literally his dream job, how could they think he'd be so ready and willing to give everything up?

So quick to just throw everything away for a hit? Even now, if Starship had found out about his suppressants, and told him to make a choice, he would chose Monsta X. He would always chose Monsta X, no questions asked, no second thoughts. Hell, if a deity came down right now, and told him to chose to either sacrifice himself or Monsta X, he'd sacrifice himself. He had always thought like that, he was so grateful for the success of not only himself as an idol, but with his group as a whole. Truly, he did feel like a stranger in his own group, and now it was only magnified by the crushing realization that nobody ever truly paid attention to him. I mean, fuck anyone who's even talked to the man for longer than a few seconds would know how much he held the group close to his heart. Maybe Monsta X would be better off without him. None of his group mates really like him anyway, and he's not even seen as part of the pack, and he's sure the fans wouldn't miss him either. At fansigns, he always hears people calling him weird for his lack of a scent, saying that he should leave and get someone to replace him.

He had always brushed those people off as trolls or just closed-minded individuals who weren't really fans, but maybe they're right. No, he shouldn't think like that, he wouldn't have been picked on NoMercy if Starship didn't think he'd fit in the group. He was valued as a group member and as a person, right? He shook his head, grabbing the brown paper bag and heading into the shared bathroom. He carefully hid his bag in the cabinet under the bathroom sink; nobody ever looked down there for anything, and the only other thing down there was a bottle of air freshener. Even if the group didn't really pay attention to him at all, at least he had his suppressants. At least he wouldn't disappoint the group, or make anyone do things they shouldn't. At least he was safe, and at least his group was safe. That's all that mattered, right?


	3. Chapter 3

Hyungwon hadn't been gullible enough to actually believe Kihyun when he was given the excuse of 'salmon fish oil'. I mean, yeah sure there were probably things like that out there, but there was still flaws in Kihyun's logic. The first thing Hyungwon had been able to point out was the fact that the cashier wouldn't put fish oil in a very suspicious (and if you're asking Hyungwon, far too big) brown paper bag. The pills also wouldn't just be loose in a Ziploc bag instead of being secure in a jar, something he had caught a glimpse of before Kihyun had hastily put the clear baggie back in the paper bag. Sure, stores are cutting corners now does, but Hyungwon highly doubts they're cutting corners **_that much_**. The main thing that raised his curiosity was the strange design of the pills, he hadn't ever seen anything that looked like that before (granted, he didn't have his glasses on, but he could make out a good amount of detail). At least, not that he could clearly recall (Hyungwon also wasn't wearing his glasses, so that could be it too); there was a drug awareness class thing he had to take in high school, along with everyone else, so maybe he saw it there.

High school was a while ago though, so he wasn't going to be able to recall anything like that clearly without something to spark it. Which was weird, because he could still tell you the square root of pie, or that mitochondria was the powerhouse of the cell, but apparently nothing that was actually useful. He wasn't definitely going to ask his pack-mates about it, at least not yet anyway, he was going to do just a little bit of digging of his own. Unfortunately, in order to do proper investigating via the internet, he needed to get a closer look at the pills. If Hyungwon was right and they were drugs, then Kihyun would have definitely hid them. He wouldn't have been so concerned if it was actually vitamins, but they weren't; vitamins don't look like that, and Hyungwon would be damned if he was just going to sit back and let Kihyun ruin himself. I mean sure, Hyungwon has a terrible reoccurring tendency to blatantly ignore Kihyun, but everyone did, so that didn't make him entirely bad right? Right? It was difficult for him to recognize that someone was there when they didn't even have a scent.

It was like that object out of the corner of your eye; it was there, but it just wasn't _there_.  The problem was he obviously didn't know where Kihyun had hid them, but he figured if he just was quiet and didn't look too weird then he'd be able to figure it out. It's not like this apartment is a nesting ground for hidden compartments, or had a high potential for secret hiding spots. With that, he made his way from the nest and to the kitchen, figuring it was as good of a place as any. He decided that if it was in the kitchen, it'd be somewhere none of the them would ever look, so obviously the first place he checked was where Kihyun kept his baking stuff. Nobody touches that stuff after a very rare Angry Kihyun made a brief appearance when Wonho accidentally knocked over the mixing bowl full of batter. Kihyun, of course being Kihyun, apologized profusely after, insisting that 1) he didn't know what came over him and 2) he'd stop baking if they wanted him to. That was a weird day: Yoo Kihyun, 5-Star Chef, offering to throw in the apron after getting the smallest bit upset? Weird, especially now that he remembered it.

After a bit of digging, he had come to the conclusion that the stash wasn't here baking storage. So then he checked by the trash can, under the sink, by the fridge, and in a few cabinets and still came out empty handed. Well, if it's not in the kitchen, then where else would it be? The nest and the living room are too busy of areas to be hiding anything in, so that just leaves the bathroom. Bit of an odd place to hide things, Hyungwon thought, but hey there was a lot of odd things about this whole thing so there was no point in dwelling over that. If Hyungwon complained about one thing, then he'd have to complain about everything. Not that Hyungwon didn't enjoy a good round of just complaining for the sake of complaining, but right now he was a man on a mission. However, in the way to the bathroom, he passed a very sleepy and exhausted looking Kihyun, who he barely managed to notice before bumping right into him.

 

"'m'sorry," Kihyun quietly mumbled out an apology as he rubbed his eyes, "Didn't see you."

"You look tired." Hyungwon stated simply.

"Yeah," Kihyun quietly agrees, "Very tired," He paused for a slightly awkward moment, "Gonna go to sleep." His voice was laced with sleep and was slurred slightly as a consequence.

"Okay, goodnight then." Hyungwon awkwardly pats Kihyun's head, and the other hummed as if he was a content cat.

"Nighty night." Kihyun said back, giving the much taller a hug without thinking before going off to the nest before Hyungwon could react.

Hyungwon just stood there for a moment, unsure of how he should feel about the events that had just taken place. Did Kihyun mean to hug him like that? He usually didn't initiate first contact, let alone alone initiate a hug, so it was a bit odd. In all fairness, Kihyun did look absolutely exhausted for reasons completely unknown to Hyungwon, so that was probably it. Right? Hyungwon recalled a time where he himself was so tired that he put the bread in the fridge, the milk in the cabinet, and the dirty dish on the unused stove. Long story short, it wasn't that hard for Hyungwon to believe that Kihyun did it out of exhaustion, especially since he's done far stupider things when he's tired himself. He didn't overthink it, which was a good thing because Kihyun had been honestly too tired to think right, and probably wouldn't have done that if he was a little less tired. Why was he so tired? Kihyun didn't know himself he just got hit with a wave of exhaustion not long after he took the pills, so it could have simply been the aftereffects of not taking his pills on time. He didn't know, and probably wasn't going to look to much into it, he was perfectly fine with just blaming his suppressants.

Ignorance is bliss, as they always say. Hyungwon had finally snapped out of it, still not sure how he exactly felt about the hug, but he'd admit that it did feel a little nice. Weird and a little awkward, but nice too. He headed into the bathroom before he could overthink something as simple as a hug (and that was something fully within his range of capabilities) and locked the door behind him. Looking around the bathroom, there was a limited amount of places one could hide things, and so Hyungwon decided that if it was in here then it'd either be by the toilet (which he found gross and honestly didn't want to look around there) or the sink cabinet. Since he didn't really want to dig around the toilet, he tried the cabinet under the sink first, and bingo! He had found it. With careful movements, he took the bag out from the spot it was in and tried to open it as quietly as possible. He held one of the pills close to his face, he made the mistake of not wearing his glasses, and tried to make out what was in the pills. It almost reminded him of those beads that you put to make the crunchy slime stuff but, he could also see sand-like grains in the clear pill as well.

He quickly put the bag back, making sure it make it look like he hadn't touched it. He put the pill in his pocket, unlocking the bathroom door to quickly go and retrieve his glasses from the living-room. Luckily, everyone else was either sleeping, at practice, or in their studio today so nobody questioned him when he quickly darted back into the bathroom. He locked the door once again, heart-rate slowing now that he was in the safety of a locked room. He took a deep breath, his slight stress going away as the oxygen left his lungs in one huff. After slipping the round glasses onto his face, he fished the pill out from his pocket, careful not to break it. He sat on the closed lid of the toilet, squinting a little as he held the pill closer to his face to examine it better. The blurry details he noticed before were confirmed to be true, but he could see things much clearer now. Like how one half of the pill was tinted with a transparent red, and the other half was completely clear. Or like how there was far more of the grainy substance than the small red spheres, and how the pill was roughly the size of the middle knuckle on his index finger.

"These are fucking huge." Hyungwon whispered to himself, surprised that Kihyun was able to take such large pills.

How many of these does he take at once? How many does he take every day? He could recall seeing Kihyun take a couple, about two or three, he couldn't remember quite exactly how many but he knew it was one of the two. He was feeling stronger about Kihyun taking two, so that's what he was going to go with. Two of these every day, at least? This is crazy, what the hell could they even be for? Hyungwon brought the pill to his nose, trying to see if it at least smelled like drugs (not that he even knew what drugs smelled like, so doing that was kind of pointless, but he was sure he'd know it if he smelled it). It didn't and Hyungwon didn't know whether to feel relieved or just more worried, so he sighed. He should just start googling, he's not getting anywhere with just trying to figure it out by himself; he's just getting more questions than answers. Hyungwon quickly noted that Kihyun never looked he had ever been on any drugs (ex: meth, aka hardcore drugs) so he was sure that it wasn't that. What the hell else could it be? Maybe it has something to do with the fact that Kihyun never has a scent, which is weird for anything.

Everything that has a heartbeat has a scent, everything; from tiny rabbits, to large grizzly bears. It doesn't even have anything to do with being a sub-gender, it's just biology for everything. Even when they're young and haven't presented yet, they still have a scent. It's faint, and usually masked by their parent's scents, but they still have one. Usually kids smelled like their surroundings; crayons, paint, erasers, and things of the like. As odd as it sounds, they smelled like kids, and even creatures as small as mice have scents. Granted, rodents most of the time don't exactly have pleasant smells, but they still have one, so for Kihyun to be completely scentless was weird. Nobody talked about it openly to Kihyun, and it when they did talk about it between themselves, it was always when Kihyun was far out of earshot, but they all found it a bit odd. They had all come up with theories, some making more sense than others, and some just being thrown in the mix to put a lighter twist on the conversation. Wonho's talked about his theory of Kihyun being asexual before, and that probably made the most sense out of all the theories that had been presented, and especially made more sense than Minhyuk's theory of Kihyun being a terminator-style robot here to spy on all of us.

 

"Wonnie~" Changkyun knocked on the door, "Hurry up before I pee myself!"

"Alright, alright, I'm coming out!" Hyungwon clarified, almost jumping out of his own skin.

"Great because I REALLY have to pee." Changkyun complained again.

"Well, maybe if someone hadn't drank three bottles of water, a soda, and a juice box, maybe they wouldn't be so desperate for a bathroom." Jooheon teased.

"Well MAYBE if someone didn't have a thing for seeing me drink three bottles of water, a soda, and a juice box, maybe I wouldn't be so desperate for a bathroom." Changkyun retorted, and Jooheon was silent.

"You two have the weirdest kinks." Hyungwon said, putting the pill in his pocket and opening the bathroom door.

"Hey, this one is actually his this time, says he likes the way my throat bobs when I drink stuff." Changkyun openly clarified with absolutely no shame.

"'Kyunee, I don't think he wants a play by play of our sex life." Jooheon said with a deep blush.

"Why not? We always hear him and Minhyuk in the room grinding and scenting everything up-" Changkyun started.

"You do the same thing!" Hyungwon defended with a blush.

"Well yeah," Changkyun said, moving past the taller and taking himself out of his pants, "We've all three done that together just the other day."

"Alright, you know what, I'm going to go and you two can do whatever it is you guys were originally planning to do," Hyungwon said, beginning to move out of the way of the hallway, "You two have fun, I have stuff I need to do."

 

Hyungwon moved past Jooheon and went into the kitchen before either of them could question him, and before Changkyun could tease him more. He sighed, reaching a hand into his pocket to fiddle with the pill that was in there. Normally, when he wanted alone time, he'd just go into the nest and sleep in a small little ball there, but this time was different. If he wanted any kind of alone time, then he would have to go to his own private little nest, which happened to be in the kitchen and inside a few cabinets. He had built it a while ago, as a place to escape when he got too stressed and needed to go off by himself; this way he could still have time to himself without hurting the feelings of anyone else. It was a pretty simple set up; there were a few blankets in there (one big one and a couple small ones), along with pillows, and things that smelled like the members. It wasn't anything fancy, but Hyungwon didn't need anything fancy, just something he found safe and comfortable. A glance was stolen by Hyungwon before he entered his personal nest, clicking on the battery-powered light be bought from a nearby store.

The scent immediately brought comfort to him, already starting to ease his worries even though he had only been inside for less than five minutes. The tall and lanky man got himself situated and comfortable before he dived into the task of uncovering what secrets lie behind such a strange looking pill. He arranged himself in the corner of his nest, with a few pillows behind and next to him, and the big blanket [ wrapped around him ](https://media.istockphoto.com/photos/young-man-wrapped-in-a-blanket-and-looking-at-his-mobile-phone-while-picture-id871598566?k=6&m=871598566&s=612x612&w=0&h=KtMiY4JqD7Hi9WKsaFGU71ogrXF6Gx3kPkhO_cl3oaw=) as if it was his own personal cloak of protection. He then got out the pill, the light from his phone illuminating his face. How should he start? Should he just type illegal red and white pills into the search bar? Maybe he should just start with strange illegal drugs? Maybe this was going to be a bit harder than Hyungwon had initially anticipated, but no matter. He was going to get to the bottom of this, even if it took him a whole month to do so. Though he wouldn't prefer a whole month, he was aiming for by the end of the day, but he honestly didn't know how good his detective skills were yet. He sighed, deciding to start by just typing in a simple 'illegal red and white drug' into the search bar.

Unsurprisingly, nothing of use turned up, but he did find out what a  specific suppressant pill looked like. The pill on the image and the pill in his hands looked similar, but not alike, so at least he's a little bit further than he was before. Was this really a suppressant pill? What would Kihyun even be suppressing? He had talked about it with the other members before, excluding Kihyun of course, and had just always thought that Kihyun hadn't been born with a sub-gender. There were cases like that, though they're exceedingly rare, but it does happen. Usually it's a lack of hormones being developed in the womb that causes that, and Hyungwon had just always assumed something like that had happened. Kihyun didn't even have a scent, and even when Jooheon was on high-dose prescribed suppressants he still had a scent, so this all didn't make sense to him in the least. He sighed, turning his phone flashlight back on to get another look at the pill in his hands. What was Kihyun doing to himself? Taking illegal pills like this was dangerous, no matter what they were for.

Illegal pills are illegal for a reason, and Hyungwon couldn't help but feel a mixture of worry and slight anger towards the much shorter man. What was Kihyun thinking? What if these landed him in the hospital, what then? Does Kihyun not think of the possible repercussions? Whatever these are for, they can't work forever. These will land him in the emergency room, they are illegal after all. Illegal, dangerous, and Hyungwon has half a mind to throw out the entire bag that's still in the bathroom. That wouldn't do anything though, Kihyun could very well just go back out and get more, and he didn't know how much damage Kihyun had already caused to his body. He didn't want to send Kihyun's body into a state of shock due to the lack of meds. He's heard the horror stories from one too many nights of staying up too late and falling down the YouTube rabbit hole. What Kihyun was doing was dangerous, if these did end up being some type of suppressant medication, but hopefully that wasn't the case. Hopefully these were something weird like salmon fish oil pills and that's all it actually was.

 

"Hmm," Hyungwon hummed to himself, trying to decide what to search up next.

 

' _ **illegal suppressant pills**_ '

 

He almost didn't want to search it up, but he knew he had to. If Kihyun was doing something dangerous to himself, then Hyungwon felt obligated to figure it out and try and stop it. Admittedly, Hyungwon does enjoy Kihyun and fully appreciates him, but unfortunately that hardly ever transfers into Hyungwon's words and actions. Most of the problem that Hyungwon had was the fact that Kihyun had no scent, and since Hyungwon was a beta he was quite sensitive to smells. Being the type of beta Hyungwon was meant that he relied on the scents of his pack in order to fully have a healthy relationship. Through scents Hyungwon could tell when someone was happy, sad, angry, frustrated, among other feelings, and Kihyun didn't have any of that. Hyungwon couldn't ever tell what Kihyun truly felt, and it was both crushing and irritating. Hyungwon loved being scent marked, or just cuddling so that he could be fully enveloped in the scent of whoever it was. Big spoon, little spoon, group cuddle, Hyungwon was down for it all as long as he got to feel loved.

Scents had a big impact on Hyungwon's relationships, and since Kihyun didn't have a scent, he was very **_very_** moody around the other. Half the time he was unnecessarily protective of the other members when they were around Kihyun, afraid that they'd be stolen away somehow. If Kihyun had a scent, then Hyungwon wouldn't involuntarily feel like that, Hyungwon would be able to tell what Kihyun was intending and feeling. Regardless of how irritating Kihyun would be to him, he still cared about him. He wasn't heartless, this was a member of his group, and even though Kihyun wasn't in his pack he had an urge to keep him safe. He didn't think he had that with Kihyun, as there's never been a time where he'd ever felt like that up until he saw the pills that Kihyun had. Now he felt like a mom getting ready to scold her son for staying out too late, or forgetting to do his chores. He hit the search button, but unfortunately before he could even see anything the door to his little space was flung wide open. Hyungwon visibly jumped, almost scared out of his mind, until he saw that it was just Minhyuk.

 

"Hyungwonieee cuddle meee!" Minhyuk demanded in a whining tone, gently wrapping his arms around Hyungwon's neck and burying his face his his chest.

"Minhyuk come baaack, I'm sorry." A voice faintly yelled.

"No! I told you I wanted to cuddle, and you tried to jump my bones. I'm a man with feelings, Jooheon!" Minhyuk shouted back, crawling further onto Hyungwon.

"Shhh, if we hide he can't find us." Hyungwon whispered, pulling Minhyuk onto him fully.

"That's a great idea, the best idea you've ever had." Minhyuk whispered back as Hyungwon closed the door.

"Typically I don't let other people in here," Hyungwon whispered, "But how could I ever say no to you? How did you even find me?"

"I followed your scent," Minhyuk smiled, though it was hard to see through the darkness, "Wait, does that make me special?" Minhyuk questioned.

"Of course, who else would I cuddle and scent if you weren't here?" Hyungwon questioned, and Minhyuk tightly hugged him.

"Ah, I love you, Hyungwon." Minhyuk said quietly and the other smiled.

"I love you too."

"It's really dark in here, I can't even see my own nose."

"You can't wha-never mind, I have a little [nightlight ](https://a1.amlimg.com/MDNjNjgzMDM4NTk5OTA4YmZhMTA2YzY0MDJhNzE2ZTf-3p9uFsMcdYxUJT2oAdw-aHR0cDovL21lZGlhLmFkc2ltZy5jb20vMTA5MGRlYmY3NGVlZmVkMjI1YzhhYjRkODUyMTI0YWJiNzdmNzAyOWI3ODFhN2M0MTZmZGY3YjBlYjc5OTViMC5qcGd8fHx8fHw3MDB4NDY2fGh0dHA6Ly93d3cuYWR2ZXJ0cy5pZS9zdGF0aWMvaS93YXRlcm1hcmsucG5nfHx8.jpg)right here." Hyungwon moved to grab it.

"There's no outlets in here, how are you-ooohhh it has a switch."

"Yeah, battery powered."

"Oooh, stars," Minhyuk gently waved his had over the projected stars, "They're almost as pretty as you."

Hyungwon blushed, "It can play a little song too, I usually play it when I get tired and want to sleep."

"Can you play it now?" Minhyuk cuddled into Hyungwon, "If you don't mind me sleeping in here with you."

"Of course not," Hyungwon hit the button and the small turtle began playing a comforting tune, "I always like sleeping with you, you're like a little cuddle bug."

 

Hyungwon couldn't explain it, but he always felt this explainable connection with Minhyuk, something that's a bit different and deeper than a pack bond. While yes, Minhyuk was hard to say no to when push came to shove, it was different from that. Hyungwon was always ready and willing to accept any affection that Minhyuk would throw his way, and always found himself looking forward to having some kind of physical contact with him. Whether it was cuddling, scenting, just holding hands, Hyungwon always felt more at home when he was connected to Minhyuk. He didn't know what it was, but it was definitely on his list of things to sort out. Hyungwon gently held Minhyuk closer, fully deciding to search up Kihyun's pill whenever he got the time later. Minhyuk's scent and unnatural cuddling abilities was far too alluring for Hyungwon to say no, so he had already put both the pill in his phone back in his pocket (after, of course, closing out of the apps), his Kihyun-related mission of finding out what he shorter was taking had been long forgotten.

Hyungwon moved them so that Minhyuk was laying right next to him, cuddled into his side, and so that his cheek could rest on the cuddle-bug's head. He tugged the blanket to cover the both of them, placing the small turtle on top of the covers so the stars could properly project around them. It hadn't even been five minutes, and Hyungwon was already beginning to feel sleepy. It happened to him every time, it was like a give-in. If Hyungwon was going to cuddle or be cuddled, then there's an 11/10 chance that Hyungwon will fall asleep every single time. It didn't help that Minhyuk's scent of melted chocolate and oranges was calming all the nerves that had spiked in him from searching up the pills that Kihyun was taking. Hyungwon could feel his eyelids closing more and more with each minute that passed.

 

"You should put one of those tiny fans in here." Minhyuk suggested with a surprisingly quiet tone.

"Hm? Are you hot?" Hyungwon questioned back with an equally soft voice.

"No, not really, but it'd feel less closed off and stuffy."

"That does sound like a good idea, doesn't it?"

"Of course it does, I'm the one who thought of it after all," Minhyuk said with a small smile, "But make sure to get one of those ones that just stick to the wall."

"They have those?" Hyungwon questioned with interest.

"Yeah, I mean I think so, but even if they don't you can just get the little pasties yourself."

"Who knew you were an engineering genius?"

"I did, of course."

"You're lucky I feed your ego so much."

"I know I am." Minhyuk said, giving Hyungwon's chest a tiny peck before resting his head back on it.

 

Hyungwon shifted to his side, bringing Minhyuk closer to him and burying his face in the paler's neck. Minhyuk hummed, returning the action and beginning to feel the beginning tugs of sleep himself. Minhyuk knew he had a heat coming on soon, he always gets ten times clingier when his heat is near, but right now all he wanted was to be like this with Hyungwon. Just cuddled into the taller's side, snuggling into him as the blanket surrounded him with safety and comfort. Minhyuk's eyelids slowly closed, the little turtle still playing it's tune and projecting stars. Minhyuk let the comforting and calming scent of a vintage bookstore and bakeries invade his nostrils, steadily sending him further and further into sleep. Hyungwon had placed a small peck on Minhyuk's collarbone, a small display of affection that Minhyuk really enjoyed. Minhyuk snuggled closer into Hyungwon, gently rubbing his face on the crook of the other's neck as he found a comfortable position. Hyungwon was quickly sent to sleep by Minhyuk's gentle rubbing and by the scent of freshly melted chocolate.

Minhyuk followed soon after, but not before placing a gentle kiss on the other's neck; a returning gesture for the small kiss Hyungwon had given him earlier. Minhyuk sighed contentedly, smiling lightly as the last edges of sleep finally took over him. The gentle tune that the turtle played continued to sound out, unknowingly lulling the two men further into sleep.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> coming back to say that idk why that note from the 1st chapter is showing up here ??? i'm confused and i'll try to fix it osdifshfj
> 
> update: i fixed it lol i feel so like ,,, technologically knowledgeable uwu


	4. Would You Like Some Fries With That Alpha Order?

Kihyun woke up feeling less tired, but with a still ever-prominent headache. His eyes fluttered open, taking in his surroundings as he remembered the short moments before he fell asleep in his little corner. He vaguely remembered hugging Hyungwon, and embarrassment instantly washed over him. How could he have gone and done such a stupid thing like that? He's not a part of the pack, and he's on suppressants, he doesn't deserve to be hugged and he's not in any place to be asking for them. He probably made Hyungwon feel so awkward and out of place, all because he couldn't take two seconds to use common sense. He'll have to apologize to Hyungwon as soon as he can, he doesn't want the other to hold this over his head. A chill ran down his body, and he now noticed how cold it was. He looked around, wanting to grab his blanket, but quickly noticed it was missing. A small bit of panic washed over him, and he found himself feeling oddly protective of his personal piece of fabric. Why was he being so protective? It's just a blanket, it's not like he's an actual omega.

Still, it didn't make the feeling go away, and his heart sank when he saw it placed atop a sleeping Jooheon. Part of him felt a bit mad; that was _his_ blanket, his special item that always made him feel safe. It was his and nobody else's! His small hands curled into fists, eyebrows furrowing, clearly displaying his anger. He had half a mind to march right over there and rip the blanket right out of his grip. Kihyun stilled as soon as the thought crossed his mind, why was he being so aggressive over a blanket? I mean, he wasn't Minhyuk or Jooheon, he didn't have heats. He didn't release any pheromones or anything, so why was he feeling so angry? So betrayed? Any other time he would've reacted so calmly, so why was today any different? Shouldn't he be happy as long as Jooheon was warm and healthy? Kihyun was being selfish, and he quickly felt ashamed. He should be more understanding, even though he doesn't get the same in return. He sighed, rubbing his eyes as he stood up, beginning to stretch as he walked towards his shared closet. He needed to change his clothes and take a shower, preferably before his sweater jumps off of him and runs away in terror.

The door to the closet silently flung open, the light now dimly illuminating the bedroom. What should he wear today? He didn't want to wear a sweater if it was hot, but at the same time he didn't want to wear a thin shirt if it was going to be cold. Lately, there was a shroud of comfort and safety that he found in sweaters and hoodies; and the bigger they were, the better he felt. Another cold chill ran up his spine, and that was enough for him to make a [decision](https://pbs.twimg.com/media/DZyQ_UfUQAYKaGi.jpg). He grabbed a pair of grey jeans (that were supposed to be 'skinny jeans' but they were still a bit loose), along with a simple white shirt and his pale blue 'Self Made' hoodie, (and a pair of undies, of course). He quietly closed the closet door, silently opening the bedroom door but stopping when he saw Changkyun about to enter the restroom. Well, he didn't need to take a shower right now anyway, right? He could wait, like a good friend should, right? Besides, if he wanted to be able to take one, maybe he should've just taken one while everyone was asleep instead of just going to Snoozeland like the lazy man he was.

 

"Did you need to use it?" Changkyun questioned, only noticing the other because he had been facing him.

Kihyun paused, "Me?" He questioned, surprised that he was even acknowledged.

"No, the guy next to you," Kihyun looked behind him, "Yes, you, Kihyun." Changkyun clarified, not believing that Kihyun really just did that.

"Oh, uh, uhm not-not really," Kihyun nervously excused, "I'm-I'm fine, you go ahead."

"You sure? You look like you were wanting to shower, I can just wait." Changkyun questioned again.

"No! No, that's not necessary," Kihyun quickly said, albeit too loudly, "Really, don't worry about it."

"Kihyun, you stubborn goat, just take a shower." Changkyun said, slightly annoyed.

"I don't wanna-wait, what are you doing?" Kihyun questioned when Changkyun grabbed his sleeve, tugging him towards the restroom.

"Acting like your mother." Changkyun said, rolling his eyes and throwing open the bathroom door.

"Wait-"

"Go. Shower. Let me know when you're done."

"But-"

"Just do it, Kihyun," Changkyun sighed, "Maybe when you get out you'll actually smell like something." Changkyun mumbled under his breath, just loud enough or Kihyun to hear.

"Oh."

 

Changkyun shoved Kihyun into the bathroom, quickly closing the door, wanting to end the conversation as quickly as possible. Kihyun stood there for a moment, Changkyun's final words echoing in his head. ' _Maybe when you get out you'll actually smell like something_ ', did it really bother them that much? Kihyun should have known better, of course they were getting tired of him. Kihyun should know better, he shouldn't be so selfish and greedy. He should work harder and try to do more for the group, but what does he do instead? Sleep the day away, and kick his members out of the bathroom. He was a sorry excuse for a group member, let alone a hyung. He should be working on the new choreo, or cooking dinner for them, or practicing his vocals more. He should just be doing _**more**_ , because obviously what he's doing now isn't enough; if it was, then they wouldn't be so tired of him. He needed to start sleeping less anyway, today he just got more of a motivation to go through with it. He'd be far more productive today, and he'd actually get things done.

He set his clean clothes on the counter, making sure that there was a towel on the hanger. He drew open the curtains, putting the stopper at the bottom of the tub and turning the shower on to the perfect temperature (he set it a bit hotter than normal today, he was really cold). He didn't want the other members knowing he liked taking baths, much less that he liked playing around with his little shark toys in the bath. He keeps his toys in the bathroom by the tub, but he's managed to pass the toys off as something one of the other members forgot about. He stripped himself of his clothes, avoiding looking at the mirror and carefully getting into the tub. He pulled the curtain forward again, shielding himself from anyone that might end up walking in. The sound of the water coming from the shower stream and hitting the small pool below echoed through the bathroom, and Kihyun pulled his knees to his chest. How did he dig himself a hole this deep? Why can't his members just love and accept him? Is it too much to ask? Even for just a little bit of love?

Why was it so hard? Why was everything so hard? He barely wants to get out of bed now days, but at the same time he doesn't want his members to see him as useless. He's caught in a fight with himself and his own friends, it was like a war on two fronts. If he tried harder to make his members happy, he ended up feeling worse, and then he ended up feeling like the epitome of death because he should be happy to make his members happy. He holds them so much higher than himself, but it's like no one cares that he's the one picking everyone up when they fall. He's so ready to help others, so why is no one willing to help him? Why does he even feel like this? What did he ever do to deserve this? Tears prickled Kihyun's eyes, blurring his vision. Soon he was quietly crying, the small noises he did make were perfectly disguised by the shower running. His lip quivered, where were all of these bad feelings coming from? All he wanted was to be happy and to make people happy, why did he always feel so negative? He puts on a smile so that no one worries or gets mad, but _**god**_ sometimes he wished someone would see right through him.

He _**wished**_ someone would get mad at him for faking his smiles, or that someone would worry about him, or that someone would just ask if he's okay.  This isn't a fairytale, though, wishes don't come true in the real world; not for Kihyun. He might as well just suck it up and accept that this is his life now and this is how it always will be. He'll live his life miserably, take suppressants in order to make his family and friends happy, and then die alone with a cat. What happens when the suppressants stop working? What happens then? Will his body be able to handle that for the rest of his life? Kihyun would just cross that bridge when he got to it, there's no reason why he should be worrying about it right now. Speaking of which, that reminded himself that he needed to take his pills when he got out of the bath. He also remembered that Changkyun needed to use the restroom as well. He did his little ritual of washing his hair, and spent a good amount of time scrubbing the apple-scented body wash onto his skin in efforts to listen to what Changkyun had said.

Kihyun's skin had turned red due to the scrubbing, and he decided that he did good enough. He drained the bath and quickly got out, drying himself off before reaching back into the familiar paper bag. He should take two now shouldn't he? One pill was starting to not be strong enough, so two should be good then? That's what doctors do all the time, they just up the dosage if a pill doesn't work anymore. His body probably just got too used to it, right? Yeah, yeah that was it; he'll take two then from now on. He filled the cup near the sink with water so he could swallow his pills properly. He winced as he swallowed, the large pills almost scraping his esophagus. He drank a little more water and finished putting his clothes on. Outwardly, he looked fine, but he felt a bit sluggish today. Even though he hasn't had the pills in his system for very long, he still feels a bit queasy after taking them. A hand gently went to his own stomach as he opened the door, gathering his dirty clothes to put in the hamper. Changkyun started to dash by him, but stopped to sniff him.

  


"Kihyun, did you...Did you use the body wash?" Changkyun questioned.

"Yeah, the apple one, why?" Kihyun questioned back in a quiet voice.

"Because you still smell like nothing, it's fucking weird." Changkyun said, sounding a little freaked out.

"Oh...I'm...I'm sorry." Kihyun apologized.

  


Changkyun didn't reply, and just closed the bathroom door as he went in. Kihyun turned around, wiping the tears from his eyes as he traveled to put his clothes in the hamper. His skin was still red and irritated from all the scrubbing, and for what? Nothing. Absolutely nothing. Kihyun still smelled like nothing, and still disappoints people. Changkyun looked so genuinely freaked out, but that's all that Kihyun was, right? Just a freak. An anomaly that everyone wants to stay away from. Why couldn't he have just presented as an alpha? Hell, his family would've been okay with having a beta, but no. No, of course not; with Kihyun's track record of disappointments, of course he couldn't present as literally anything else. No, he just _had_ to present as an omega. Figures, right? Even on suppressants his family still doesn't want him over, but sometimes they let him come over for Christmas, New Years, or Thanksgiving and he gets to sit in a corner somewhere. They usually ignore him but Kihyun's just thankful to still be able to be around his family. Regardless of any of that, Kihyun needs to hurry up and get going so that he can get cologne before he's late for practicing.

He would just get it when he's done, but he doesn't know how long he'll be staying out, and he doesn't want to potentially wait until midnight when all the shops are already closed. He hurried off to the front door, quickly slipping on his shoes and shoving the dorm keys into his pocket. He muttered out a quiet 'goodbye', not that anyone noticed anyway.

* * *

Kihyun quietly entered the brightly colored shop. There were white walls, with yellow accents, and a few cute stickers on the wall. Overall, it gave off a very happy and relaxing vibe; something Kihyun wasn't used to, but very much appreciated. He cautiously walked around, not knowing exactly what he was looking for. There were tables labeled very obviously; 'feminine perfumes', 'masculine colognes', 'neutral scents'. The decorated bottles were enough to be able to tell what they were without the signs, but there was never a distinction that it was for a specific sex or sub-gender. Some alphas preferred to use feminine scents, and some omegas liked the masculine scents more. Society was quite diverse now a days, though Kihyun wishes some of that open-mindedness would transfer to his parents. One of the workers, obviously being able to tell how clearly lost he was, quietly approached him.

  


"Did you need any help?" She asked and Kihyun nodded.

"Yes, I'm wanting to buy something but," He nervously laughed, "I honestly don't know what I'm looking for."

"That's alright," She smiled kindly, "How about we start with what type of scent you would prefer."

"Well, I don't want anything masculine, but I don't want anything too feminine either," Kihyun said after he thought for a short moment, "Somewhere that's a happy middle between neutral and feminine, I guess."

"I see, so we'll stay away from the tables to the right, and I think I have something in mind for you," She guided Kihyun to a table a few steps away, "Try this."

  


She lifted up a semi-intricate perfume bottle, the liquid was a pale blue with a decorative gem in the shape of a sunflower as the cap.  The kind lady sprayed a bit on thin sheet of perfume paper, handing him the thin sheet with a now small transparent wet spot on it. Kihyun sniffed it, and it smelled like a sunny day in a meadow, and a bit like...Banana? This was smelled too similar to Jooheon, and his conscience couldn't allow him to buy this and then wear it around. He wanted to have his own scent, not someone else's. Kihyun had unknowingly wrinkled his nose, and that was enough for the kind woman helping him to take a hint. She delicately put the bottle back, while Kihyun threw the small slip of paper away in the nearby trash bin. Rather than opting for showing him another perfume, she decided that maybe she should ask Kihyun just a few more questions.

  


"What is your natural scent? Knowing that will tell me which perfumes to stay away from." She explained kindly.

"Ah, uhh," Kihyun rubbed the back of his neck, "Ma'am-"

"Mina."

"Mina, I don't really have one." Kihyun said after a sigh, and she fell silent for a moment.

"Oh, I'm so sorry for asking, I didn't mean any offense by it." Mina explained rather quickly.

"No, no it's okay, I know you meant well," Kihyun reassured, "Is there anything else you need to know?"

"Oh, uh, well, do you have any pack-mates?" Mina asked, glad for the topic change.

"Six, actually, but that's complicated." Kihyun put his hands in his pockets.

"Ah, I see, well what are their scents? That will tell me what bottles to avoid, I can imagine you don't want to go around smelling like your best friend as your own scent." Mina explained with a kind smile.

"The two alphas have typical forest scents; campfires and pine trees, those sort of things" Kihyun began, expressing his sentence through his hands "One of our betas smells like vanilla and coconut and the other smells like..." Kihyun stopped to try and articulate himself, "Like a vintage library on the streets of downtown Paris."

"Alright, so then we'll stay away from heavily tropical scents and anything that smells too neutral. Is there anyone else in your pack?" Mina inquired.

"Yes, just two more," Kihyun forced a smile, "One of our omegas smells perfectly like honey and amber, one of the best scents in the world, if you were to ask me." Kihyun smiled genuinely this time, momentarily forgetting that his fellow band members recognized his existence as much as rabid-chocolate fiend recognizes diabetes.

"That's quite a unique scent, I don't think I've heard of anything like it before." She smiled gently, as if she were the creases in a pillow when you mess with it too much.

"Yeah, it is, isn't it?" Kihyun questioned before growing quiet for a brief moment, temporarily forgetting what he had been talking about, "OH! And our other omega smells like a Ghirardelli, Dark & Orange factory," Kihyun finished, confirming that he did not, in fact, contract Alzheimer's.

  


Mina, the perfume clerk, was silent as she quickly scanned through the various fragrance bottles with the expertise that only someone with a long history of working there would have. She seemed to already know what she was searching for, and that was very clearly shown when she picked up a blue oval shaped bottle with a normal cap, then quickly placing it back down as she muttered that it wasn't it. It seemed as though she didn't take long to have already known what would be the perfect fragrance for him as soon as he finished talking. Her short brown hair fell to the side of her face, untucking itself from behind her er and blocking her facial features from Kihyun's view. One would think that body-fragrance shops would be almost non-existent due to the sheer biology that was their sub-genders, but in fact it was quite the opposite. There were many people who frequently visit fragrance shops, they were typically people who's scent didn't produce a lot, so they were looking for something that smelled like them to enhance their own scent.

Or there were lovers who wanted to gift their significant other(s) with bottles of their own scents, which was seen as a very romantic gesture (as long as, of course, you were dating them or they were a part of your pack). Then there was Kihyun; wanting to simply have a scent on him so that maybe his fellow members will like him more. Maybe he'll finally be able to get a little bit of affection without feeling awful, or without someone getting disgusted by him. He had so much hope riding on this one, seemingly simple thing, but at the same time he couldn't help himself. Being able to have a scent on him would unlock a world of things for him. He would finally get the one thing his mind and body truly craved to the deepest depths of his soul; love. That's all he's ever wanted from anyone, just love. He wants to love and be loved without disgusting people. He hates complaining, thinking his problems have as much worth as the dirt on the bottom of his shoes.

Of course, that didn't stop his almost demanding thought invading every corner of his mind; begging to be held, or kissed, spoken to, or just touched. He ached for rare moments when Minhyuk, the most affectionate person he's ever had the honor of meeting, curled himself up in Kihyun's lap.

Moments like those almost made him cry thinking about, but they were bitter tears. When Minhyuk did grace him with those moments, he'd silently cradle him, wrapping his arms around Minhyuk's slender frame, and all of his worried would melt away for that short moment. He'd casually rest his head on Minhyuk's shoulder, breath in the scent of pure chocolate, and hit cloud nine for just a moment. One single moment. That's all it was before Minhyuk got uncomfortable from the lack of a scent, which was natural for someone as needy and affectionate as him. Still, no matter how short that moment was, it was always the highlight of his entire year. He did feel a pull towards Wonho, who was honestly his favourite alpha of the two that existed in the pack he wasn't even a part of. Not that Shownu wasn't a good alpha or whatever, but Shownu was a much more direct man; anytime Kihyun spoke of his feelings towards things, he was met with a simple, direct answer. For example, a few months ago he was trying to talk to Shownu about how he felt very excluded from the rest of the group, and Shownu just told him to get out more. Then, after giving Kihyun a shrug, went back over to cuddling Jooheon.

Shownu hadn't realized that for Kihyun to gather enough courage to talk about his feelings was a major thing, though it would have been obvious if anyone paid even the smallest amount of attention to him. Shownu had a very stoic appearance, at least when he was around Kihyun. It was odd, Kihyun thought, because he was very expressive during interviews, promotions, music videos, and in just about everything. Yet, when Kihyun was alone with him, or when they were all behind closed doors and Kihyun was in the room, it was as if the emotion just left his face. Like he was uncomfortable to have Kihyun in the room, but didn't want to say anything about it. That was the last time Kihyun ever trusted anyone with his feelings, and decided things were easier if he just pretended to be okay. Though it seemed to be getting harder and harder these days, as if he was in a circus act trying to balance dozens of breakable objects on top of one another. Wonho, however, was one of the only people he trusted, be it a small percentage of the time. It seemed as if Wonho occasionally tried to make him feel better by giving him tasks in order to make himself feel important. Unfortunately, he always forgot that's what he did, and just ended up doing them himself anyway.

It hurt Kihyun more than if Wonho were just to ignore him like the others, because it was just a reminder of how truly forgettable he was to the world. Just another nuisance here on the Earth to make everyone else's life just that much more inconvenient. Wonho managed to get Kihyun's hopes up every time though, and managed to crush them with the same strength. Kihyun was sure if Wonho asked him to jump off an Olympic High-Dive, he'd do it. That might just be because Wonho is an alpha though, because he was pretty sure he'd still do it even if Shownu asked. Alphas just intimidate Kihyun to no end, and he's borderline scared of them.

 

“Sir?” Mina questioned, her tone indicating she had been trying to get his attention for a while.

“Oh,” He shook his head, “I'm so sorry about that.”

“It's alright, don't worry,” She flashed him a kind smile, “I think I've found the right one for you.” Mina handed him a clear bottle with an intricate blue-purple gradient flower as the cap.

“Hibiscus Morning, And Raspberry Clouds?” Kihyun read aloud.

“Yes, I think it's the perfect scent for you, and it will compliment both you and your pack-mates,” She reached to uncap the bottle, “It's main focus scents are, of course, the hibiscus flower and raspberry, but it isn't too tropical.”

“Oh?” Kihyun questioned, going to smell the fragrance.

“No, it also has hints of mint and chamomile leaves. It's feminine and inviting, yet neutral and calming.” Mina said, sounding proud of herself.

“Ah, it smells very nice,” Kihyun complimented, “How much is it?”

“Well, for the small bottle it's 54,000 won and for the large bottle it's 68,000 won,” Mina informed, “But if you sign up for our rewards program, then you can get 15% off your first purchase.”

“Okay, yeah,” Kihyun nodded, handing back the bottle, “I'll do that then.”

“Awesome, what size would you like?” Mina asked, putting the cap back on the display bottle.

“The large size, please,” Kihyun confirmed with a small smile.

“Alright, just follow me up to the register, sir.” Mina said, gently taking out a blue-purple gradient box from under the display.

 

Kihyun did as requested, walking up to an open register and waiting for the helpful associate to check him out. He looked around, letting his eyes wander along the counter when he spotted the form for the rewards program. Might as well do it while he's waiting, that way he won't inconvenience the store associate by waiting until she gets here to do it. It was basic questions; only simple things needed an answer, like his name, address, and birthday. He supposed that something special was given on the birthday, but it was probably just something small like a 10% off, or a 1 fluid ounce bottle of a plain smelling perfume disguised as a gift. Either way, whatever it could potentially be, at least it was going to be given to him at no cost. Kihyun likes free things, but then again so does everyone, and anyone who disagrees is a liar. It didn't take Kihyun long to finish filling out the small sheet, seeing as how there were only 6 questions on it.

Luckily, though, Mina had come up to the register just before he finished. He took a moment to observe the box the perfume came in, now noticing semi-transparent white clouds decorating the box along with barely noticeable flowers indented in it. Mina took Kihyun's now filled paper and registered him as a member in a matter of minutes, her fingers expertly dancing on the keys of the machine. The discount from the first purchase was applied to Kihyun's order, and after receiving payment for it, Mina placed the slightly expensive cologne a fancy bag that was somewhere between paper and plastic. The small handles were topped with a slightly too-big bow, but somehow it still looked rather nice. Kihyun thanked her and took his leave, quickly heading down to the Starship office so that he could do what he originally intended that day. Practice, practice, practice. If he practiced enough, then he would be a better member of his group, and then maybe his group would like him more. Maybe his parents wouldn't be so ashamed of having an omega son, maybe things would get better. Just maybe.

Kihyun, before entering the building, had put on his cologne. At first it was only a few sprays, but he had noticed he couldn't even smell it, it was almost as if his body was rejecting the foreign scent. So, naturally, Kihyun kept putting it on until he could at least smell a hint of it; which was absolutely absurd, because on any normal person it would've been overkill, but it's like his body was pumping out a scent-neutralizing pheromone or something. Weird. Either way, the situation was handled and done with, and Kihyun walked into Starship with a new confidence inside of him. It wasn't cockiness, or a sudden swell of pride, but the confidence of knowing that you're normal to everyone. The confidence of knowing that people won't stare at you funny when you talk to them, or completely ignore you because you lack a scent. You were normal; just a mix in the scent crock-pot of the world. The almost overwhelming feeling of just being normal for once. It was like he was being himself without all the shame and burdens that came with it, he even almost forgot that he was an omega on suppressants.

A few people even offered him a smile as he walked by, which he politely returned all the while trying to hide his unfiltered excitement. People were actually noticing him, being nice to him. People actually liked him! This is amazing! He couldn't wait until he could get home to his members, for them to now see that he has a scent. Maybe they'd like him more now! If Kihyun is lucky, maybe they'd invite him next time they go out somewhere! Amazing! He made a mental note to get Miss Mina a thank you card, even though she probably doesn't realize the miracle she's just worked. Today was the turn of a new leaf, he could feel it. Today was going to be the start of things getting better, and he felt a true sense of happiness surge through him. A better sense of motivation seeped into him, and he was determined to make great progress today. He'd hit all of his notes perfectly, and he'd nail the dance practice today, he just knew it.

By the time his vocal practice was over, everything had been going swimmingly. There was only a couple things the teacher had to go over him with, and the teacher even said that he'd be able to finally record his part tomorrow if he did as well as he did today! Kihyun was excited, especially since he hasn't been in the studio in months. It had been one thing after another that prevented him from doing recording; he was forgotten, he hadn't been doing well enough, someone else was already recording, the producer took a sick leave. Kihyun left the vocal practice room feeling like he had just won the lottery; it had been a while since he had been given any good news from Starship, and right now he was over the moon. He only hoped that dance practice would go just as well as vocal practice did. Today was going so amazingly so far, and he didn't want anything to ruin his mood. He didn't want this luck to ever run out, and speaking of which, it was time for a retouch on the cologne. He headed to the bathroom that was next to the practice room, locking the door behind him for privacy as he began to douse himself in the same amount as before.

Only, this time, it wasn't really doing anything. Confusion and panic began to overfill in Kihyun's fragile mind, and he gave himself another round of the fragrance. The only thing that was keeping the scent was the room, but absolutely nothing was sticking to him anymore. Why wasn't it working? Did his body not like the spray? Was it because the scent wasn't natural? In the past, he's had no problems with having Minhyuk's scent stick to him, even if it was only for a little bit and in small bursts. Kihyun gently bit his lower lip, his mind racing as he tried to think of what to do. He couldn't just go back out there smelling like an empty void again, not with what an amazing day he's had, and especially not with seeing how well people treat him when he does have a scent. His dark eyebrows slowly knitted themselves together as he scanned over the bottle, trying to read any warning labels.

 

**'NON-TOXIC**

_**WARNING: DO NOT INGEST, FOR EXTERNAL USE ONLY. IF CONSUMED, CALL POISON CONTROL OR CONTACT A DOCTOR IMMEADITELY.'** _

 

It couldn't be that bad, right? I mean, it was just a liquid, and if it was safe enough for his skin then it should be safe enough for consumption, right? Maybe they just put that because they legally have to, maybe it isn't that big of a deal. Kihyun glanced at the mirror, meeting his own frightened and unsure eyes. Hesitation is what was stopping him from doing anything; hesitation and fear. Fear that something terrible might happen to him if he does drink it. Was he really willing to risk rejection from everyone again? His health could suffer just a little, right? Kihyun took a deep breath, all but ripped the lid off, and tilted his head back as if he was taking a shot. The liquid burned his esophagus as it traveled down, immediately igniting a fiery pit at the bottom of his stomach. He pulled the bottle away from his lips after a couple seconds, quickly being sent into a coughing fit.

His throat felt as if it was swelling shut, and he could taste liquid metallic on his tongue. His pale hand covered his lips as he coughed, but he pulled it away when he felt wetness spill onto his palm. Hooded eyes widened as he saw the red that contrasted with the color of his skin, shakily breathing in. He quickly washed his hand, his cough beginning to subside until he was just clearing his throat due to discomfort. It can't be that bad, besides, what was the worst that could happen? It's not like he had a choice anyway, he needed this. He needed a scent, something that made people recognize he existed without a feeling of disgust. He wiped his mouth dry after swishing some water in his mouth to get rid of the taste of blood, giving himself a final once-over in the mirror. He looked a bit worn, but otherwise he was fine. He moved to smell his skin, his nose met with the wonderful scent of Raspberry Clouds. An uneasy feeling settled in the pit of his stomach, but he smiled as he left the bathroom (of course, after making sure he had his cologne).

  


* * *

  


Dance practice went better than it ever had, and the choreographer wasn't nearly as hard on him today as he normally is. Typically, the choreographer would be getting mad at him for even the most minute things, but today was quite different. Today, instead of getting mad that his elbow was one degree off from how it needed to be, he was corrected for his timing. Just his timing was corrected today, excluding the one time in the middle of practicing where Kihyun kicked with the wrong foot. He left Starship feeling better about himself than he has in the past few years, let alone weeks. He couldn't hide the smile that engraved itself onto his lips as he walked home, getting a few hungry stares from a few alphas. Sure, he didn't miss that, but at least he didn't have to worry about being attacked while in heat. A shiver ran down his spine as memories flashed across his brain, as if he was giving himself examples as to why he was still taking the pills.

Examples of why he had become so frightened of alphas in general, examples of why he hated himself to the very core. He held himself tightly as he walked faster down the sidewalk, his hair bouncing slightly with the wind. He could feel his body temperature rising quickly, making the hoodie he was currently wearing unbearably hot. Exhaustion hit him like a train, and suddenly he wanted to sleep for three years and a day. A headache was beginning to make his day worse, and it was then he started to figure out why so many alphas were staring at him. These are similar symptoms to the first few days before his heat, but that was virtually impossible, because he was taking those pills. Maybe he should take more of them, hopefully it wouldn't be too late by the time he got home. Kihyun dared to glance around again, only to me met with hungry stares, so he quickened his pace. Fear trickled down his spine as the same memories from before flashed through his mind.

It took everything in him not to just run home, into the security and safety of the dorm. Even though he didn't, he still made it there in record time, and he sighed in relief when he was finally able to open the front door. He quickly shut it, the door making a loud slam before he rested his back on the white wood, leaning his head back onto it and closing his eyes. Alphas, they're all the same, huh? God, he truly wished he could've just presented as beta. Better yet, he wished he could just vanish into thin air and never come back. Blood rushed in his ears, pulse throbbing wildly against his neck as he tried to compose himself enough to make it to the bathroom. Air entered his lungs frantically, a desperate attempt to get his body temperature under control. A failed attempt, but an attempt nonetheless. He slowly opened his eyes, only to meet the furrowed brows of Shownu, the pack alpha. His blood ran cold, but his skin fired up; all at the mere sight of the alpha.

 

"Kihyun," The name seemed foreign rolling off his tongue, "Are you," Another pause, "Are you okay?"

"Okay?" Kihyun questioned, his mind not clear enough to properly think, "Yeah, I'm okay."

"Are you sure?" Shownu questioned again, "I don't mean to pry or anything-"

_Oh my god, when is he going to stop talking, I need my pills before this goes too far-_

"But I don't know if you forgot because of," Shownu paused, probably realizing that he shouldn't insult the other, "Reasons, but I can smell when something is off."

"Why," Kihyun was out of breath, "Why the hell would I forget that?"

"Oh he's fine, stop babying him, it's probably just for show." Changkyun rolled his eyes.

"Changkyun, stop," Shownu warned, "And I don't know Ki, don't make me say it."

"No, go ahead, fucking say it." Kihyun said, a sudden surge of anger swelling in him due to the pre-heat symptoms.

"Ki, you're not normal, you're not like everyone, and you know it," Shownu said, face stoic as ever, "Now don't label me the bad guy for saying it."

"Yeah, by the way, I can tell that's not your scent, that's some type of perfume shit." Changkyun announced, still not looking up from his phone.

"I like the perfume." Jooheon said in a small voice, but was ignored by virtually everyone.

"You know what? How would you know?" Ki questioned, throwing his hoodie (and shoes) off and pushing himself further into the room, "How would any of you fuckers know?"

"Watch your tongue-"

"Or what? What are you going to do, _alpha_? Hm? Gonna give the only non-pack member orders? Going to use your alpha voice to force me to obey? Going to use your pheromones to make me submit? Huh?" Kihyun stepped closer with narrowed eyes, tone of voice daring Shownu to do something.

"Kihyun, I'm warning-"

"Warning me of what? What are you going to do? Hm?" Kihyun dared, "None of you fucks know anything about me,  except for the fact that I'm a vocalist in the group and I'm one of the shortest ones here," Kihyun scoffed, "The only one of you pretentious assholes that might give a single shit about me is Minhyuk, but even he can't stand me half the time."

"That's not true, Ki."

"Don't call me that, don't give me a nickname as if we've been friends for years when you can't even tell me what my favourite food is."

"Sushi?" Jooheon dared to answer.

"No, I can't stand fish, the smell is too intense," Kihyun narrowed his eyes again, "Bet you didn't know I had a sense of smell, huh?"

The room was silent, and he scoffed again.

"You have no idea what I've been through, and you have no idea how you assholes treat me, so yeah, fuck you," Kihyun shook his head, "How dare you come to me as if you have a textbook on The Psychology of Yoo Kihyun," Shownu's eyes flashed, "You're just another typical alpha, both of you are. You care for a pack of assholes, casting me out all because I'm a little different, fuck you and your entire pack-"

"ENOUGH."

 

Shownu's voice was angry and commanding, one that is rarely heard from the alpha, if ever. Shownu can count on his hands how many times he's used that voice, and he doesn't know why he used it now. He's only ever used it with good reason, like when Hyungwon had an alpha that was being a little too forceful, or when Jooheon had a group of betas trying to 'teach him a lesson'. Guilt flooded him instantly when he saw how Kihyun reacted, as if it was on instinct. Kihyun had jolted forward, moving to get on his knees to bow before he had caught himself on the wall. Kihyun now had one knee on the floor, torso bent forward with one hand on the wall and the other on his knee. Kihyun's breathing had quickened drastically, and he didn't make a single sound; the words 'my alpha please forgive me, I will obey' stuck in his throat. Every fiber in Kihyun's omega biology was screaming at him to bow down. To submit, and display his willingness to submit to an alpha. It was painful to be sitting there, not doing what his biology wanted him to, not submitting.

Kihyun wheezed, hand curling to dig his short nails into the wall as he tried to get his mind back to normal. His pre-heat symptoms only amplified the almost overwhelming desire to submit to an alpha, much less a pack alpha. His eyes widened before rolling back, desperately being squeezed shut and letting out a small noise in desperation. His free hand moved to his stomach, now getting violent pains as a feeling settled. He felt sick, like he could vomit up the meals he's had in the past entire week. Kihyun let a sickly noise escape his lips, and that's when Minhyuk chose to enter the room. Shownu's alpha voice was also having an effect on the other omegas in the dorm, a violent desire to submit burning in their veins. The betas of the pack had a jolt of fear suddenly surging through them, and they dared not speak. Kihyun's reaction had confused them all, seeing as how he reacted exactly like how an omega would, not a beta. Had they been wrong about him this whole time.

The other omegas struggled with the desire to both submit, and go to comfort someone their mind was processing as a fellow omega. Jooheon had tears prickling his eyes, a sob threatening to break through, and Changkyun brought the older into his arms. Changkyun moved himself into Jooheon's lap, cradling his head into his neck and releasing more of his calming scent. Anger mixed with his fear and guilt, creating a sickly sticky feeling in his mind. How dare Shownu use his alpha voice with the other omegas around? He knows what it does, how dare he?! He felt wet drops on his skin, and that's when he knew Jooheon was crying. Jooheon had tightly held onto the sides of Changkyun's shirt, and Changkyun faced his head away from the others, resting his cheek on the older's head. He'd admit that Kihyun rubbed him the wrong way, but nobody deserves to have an alpha tone used on them, especially now that Kihyun might actually be an omega.

Wonho stood there, not knowing what to do. He was always a more sensitive alpha, and right now he couldn't control his emotions enough to know what he was feeling. He knew he felt guilt for many things; not being there for Kihyun, judging the younger, all the times he accidentally forgot Kihyun even existed. Hyungwon, however, was another story. He knew exactly what he felt. Sure, Kihyun and him had gotten off on the wrong foot, mostly because of Hyungwon's ignorant misjudgment, and Hyungwon takes full responsibility of that. He fucked up, and he knows that now, and he should've been more concerned with those pills instead of just brushing it off. Yes, he had felt guilt and fear, but there was a large swell of anger at Shownu's careless use of his alpha voice. Everyone knows how serious an alpha voice is, and how you have to use it responsibly, otherwise shit like this happens. He looked to Wonho, who just looked lost, and he scoffed as he stood up.

 

"You just going to sit there, Wonho, or do I have to do your job for you?" Hyungwon questioned with narrowed eyes.+

Wonho was silent.

"Right, go take Jooheon and Changkyun to one of the separate rooms, away from the nest," Hyungwon ordered, "Be careful with your scent, too much of an alpha could send him into a panic heat, and it might just be best for you to go stay way from the both of them for a while."

Wonho was quick to do what Hyungwon said, appreciative that he stood up to the plate, but only adding onto his guilt.

"Minhyuk, take Kihyun to the emergency nest, and stay with him," Minhyuk was quick to nod, immediately going over to the younger's side, "Don't come out, got it?"

"Got it."

"Kihyun, I'm sorry I misjudged you, I was wrong, and you have every right to be mad," Hyungwon said, gently stepping closer to the man, "Don't let Shownu's alpha voice make you think otherwise."

 

Minhyuk had gone under Kihyun's arms, hooking one of Kihyun's arm over his own shoulders, and hooking his hand on Kihyun's waist to support him. Kihyun stumbled as he stood back up, almost falling into a bow as he did so but Minhyuk caught him. Kihyun looped his free arm gently on Minhyuk's waist, resting his head on Minhyuk's shoulder as tears threatened to spill from the pain and looming sorrow of not listening to what his biology was telling him. Kihyun coughed, lurching forward and splattering a small amount of blood on his hand. He wheezed again, struggling for breath in between his coughs, and for a split second Shownu wanted to go over and make sure he was okay. That split second was immediately counteracted by Minhyuk and Hyungwon's harsh glares. Minhyuk had woken up to the scent of an omega's 'i'm in danger' scent, and even though he had been asleep for half of what went on, he still knew exactly what happened.

Shownu had promised all of them to never use his alpha voice on them unless it was a life-or-death situation, and even then he was to be careful. Alpha ordering someone, especially an omega, can have dangerous effects. Alphas aren't usually bothered in a mental stability sense, and usually either back off or become overly protective. Betas usually become very fearful, and the fact that Hyungwon is biting back his own biological fear for the well being of others is a heroic act in and of itself, not that Hyungwon would ever admit that. Omegas are the ones that are effected by it the worst, as displayed by Jooheon and Kihyun. Omegas have an urge to submit an obey, which in and of itself can be very dangerous, but even so what's even more dangerous is the fact that it'll effect their health. If the omega doesn't submit like it's body desperately wants to, it becomes painful if put off for too long. You get sick and become mentally exhausted from the fight of it all, on top of your body going through waves of pain because of it.

Alphas and omegas have a very dark past with one another, which is why omegas still have the submission urge in their biology. Evolution hasn't quite gotten a handle on that aspect yet, and it's doubtful it'll ever change. Minhyuk plans on watching Kihyun very closely, having first hand experience with this sort of thing when his friend in middle school got alpha ordered by someone on the soccer team. He knows what to do, and he's not letting a single damn person go anywhere near his Kihyun so help him god. Minhyuk looked down at Kihyun's hand in time to see the red splotches staining his skin, and his eyes widened, but before Minhyuk could say something, Kihyun was already speaking.

 

"I-I c-an't b-blie-eve you a- _arg_ ," Kihyun bent forward in pain, "Alpha o-ordered me-e."

 

Even now Kihyun was trying to put up a brave front, but Minhyuk could see right through it. Hyungwon gave Min a nod, silently telling him to leave the room, and Minhyuk wordlessly complied. The [Emergency Nest](https://i.pinimg.com/736x/a6/09/1f/a6091fcdd566eaeb573eda17f5579b3a--attic-bedroom-kids-bedroom-ideas.jpg) existed for many reasons; in case someone had a sudden heat, in case someone (in heat or not) wanted to be left alone, among many other reasons. Jooheon and Minhyuk have both used it a multitude of times when they felt particularly awful, and the best thing about the Emergency Nest was that it was always scentless. There were items stored in a box nearby that one could use if they wanted the scents of any particular members without them being there, but there was complete freedom to scent up the room yourself. It was perfect in cases like this, where the scent of an alpha could drive someone over the edge. He carefully opened the small door, setting Kihyun in first before climbing in after. Minhyuk had a few things he wanted to get, but it could wait.

Minhyuk shut the door behind him, carefully maneuvering a half-limp Kihyun into a protective [cuddle](https://66.media.tumblr.com/25fd1ea5a15fe60b3404d549b7e12e04/tumblr_o9r97hkG8O1v8hcteo1_500.gif). The older produced more of his pheromones, coating the room in a chocolate-orange fantasy. Kihyun was held tightly, Minhyuk not being able to even imagine the inner turmoil Kihyun must be going through. The room was silent for a few moments, neither of them making a sound, until Kihyun felt his emotions well up in his eyes and a sob ripped itself from his throat. He clung onto Minhyuk for dear life, as if it was the only thing grounding him to the Earth. Like if he let go, then he'd float away into the empty void of space. Minhyuk's heart lurched, holding in his own tears as he comforted Kihyun as best as he could. He tucked Kihyun's head into the space between his neck and the pillow, Kihyun's sobs only muffled by the slightest. Words tumbled out of Kihyun's throat, mixed with the agonizing sounds of his own sobs, and Minhyuk couldn't make out what he was trying to say.

 

"What was that, sweetheart?" Minhyuk asked gently, rubbing the younger's back.

"W-Why," Kihyun hiccuped, "Do alph-alphas always hate me-e?"

"What do you mean, baby?" Minhyuk tried to sooth him.

"When I ," Sniffle, "Wasn't on-on my p-pills, every t-time I had a h-heat, alphas would..." Kihyun wasn't able to finish his own sentence, and opted for erupting into harder cries.

"Oh my god," Minhyuk quickly caught on, "Oh my god, baby, that's-that's awful." Minhyuk held him closer.

"I-I don't-I don't understand," Kihyun cried, "I try s-so hard to be go-good, but the world d-doesn't want me."

"No, no no no, baby," Minhyuk hushed, "That's not true, I heard what you said back there, and I don't hate you at all," Minhyuk rubbed small circles into his back, "I'm sorry for acting the way I did all because you didn't have a scent, it was wrong, but I could never hate you."

"You lie."

"If I hated you, would I be here?" Minhyuk questioned, and Kihyun was silent, "Listen, nobody deserves to go through what you went through, and Shownu shouldn't have used his alpha voice on you, but I don't think those pills are a good thing, sweetheart."

"They make me better," Kihyun whimpered out, "I'm a disgrace."

"What? Who told you that?"

"My family, every alpha I've met previous, you guys treat me like it."

"Kihyun, look at me," Minhyuk pulled back enough to tilt the other's head up, "Omega, beta, alpha, whatever you are, you aren't a disgrace," Minhyuk held eye contact, "You are perfect as just Kihyun, whoever he might be."

 

Minhyuk sealed his words with a light peck on Kihyun's cheeks, not wanting to make the alpha situation worse by doing anything more. Kihyun whimpered, feeling a wave of exhaustion come over him with such a force he couldn't ignore. He whimpered again, quickly latching himself back into the crook of Minhyuk's neck. Waves of pain hit him again, partially from pre-heat, and partially from having an alpha voice used on him, but his exhaustion far outweighed the two.

 

"Sweetheart, I hate to ask," Minhyuk started in a whisper, and Kihyun tiredly hummed out, "But are you pre-heat?"

Kihyun nodded with his eyes still closed, confirming Minhyuk's suspicions.

"Has it been a while since you last had one?"

Kihyun hummed in confirmation.

"More than a year?"

Another hummed approval.

"Okay, prince, we can talk about it more later, rest up okay?" Minhyuk whispered, cuddling into Kihyun's neck and smelling the faintest scent of blueberries.

Kihyun nodded again, cuddling into the other in return as a display of affection and appreciation.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I'm sorry this took so long /.\ but this was so many words and it took me so long to write, but!!! i think it's worth it and I hope you like it!! I'm really tired right now, so I might edit this later if I go back and find a few wtf moments lol but please tell me what you think!! thank you for reading!! ily♥


	5. I Cheated Death And He Wants A Divorce

"I-I c-an't b-blie-eve you a-arg," Kihyun bent forward in pain, "Alpha o-ordered me-e."

 

Guilt coursed through Hyungwon's veins, a slow burning fire that grew with intensity as time went on. Without saying another word, he let Minhyuk take him to the Emergency Nest with only a mere nod. Even though he was a beta, and even though it wasn't even directed at him, he still felt minor effects of the Alpha Order. His slowly extinguishing desire to bow down and ask for forgiveness, the slight fog that clouded his brain, the slight aggravation he felt at the actions he was about to put forth. Defying alpha, that's what always hurts the most, even if you're not the one who was Alpha Ordered. Hyungwon watched carefully until the both of them disappeared, and only spoke when he heard the Emergency Nest door close; daring to turn his attention to the pack alpha, and having more than enough courage to send him a well-deserving glare. Hyunwoo caught a glimpse of the other's face, noticing three prominent things on clear display: anger, disgust, and disappointment. A Situational Fuck-Up Cocktail.

Hyunwoo avoided his gaze, unable to bring himself to maintain the eye contact necessary for him to seem even halfway confident. His gaze traveled from lowered at the wall, to dragging down to the floor. Guilt didn't even begin to cover what he was feeling. Some alpha he was, huh? He deserves whatever Hyungwon throws at him, and he's not going to get mad if Hyungwon goes as far as to slap him. He'll sit here, and listen to every single word Hyungwon says, whether he likes it or not, and he won't put up a single fight. Why had he done that? He hasn't used in alpha voice in Gods know when, why did he suddenly use it with Kihyun? Was it because of Kihyun's words? Had he gotten so immature and foolish that he'd use an alpha voice over Kihyun's jaded and hurtful words? Did Kihyun really deserve that? Of course he fucking didn't, yet here Hyunwoo was. Everyone gone but himself and Hyungwon, all because he was a god damn idiot.

He had seen the terrified faces of his fellow pack-mates; the sobs that ripped from Jooheon's throat, the deathly glare that Changkyun sent him, the confused and slightly hopeless reaction of Wonho, and he didn't know if anyone else saw, but he had found himself trapped in Minhyuk's petrifying gaze. Minhyuk, when angry, could rival Hyungwon's glare. They were perfectly matched in the art of being absolutely intimidating in any situation, and even though Hyunwoo was pack alpha, he still found himself scared of the two when they got angry enough. Minhyuk wasn't one to anger quickly; sure he could get annoyed pretty fast, especially if you try, but situations in which he was genuinely filled with rage were few and far between. Gods, what had he done to Kihyun?

 

"Listen here, I'm going to give you exactly ONE chance to explain yourself," Hyungwon held up a finger, "One, and if I call bullshit, I'm calling the fucking police."

"I-I don't," Hyunwoo paused, "I don't have one." He finished truthfully.

"Really?" Hyungwon said in sarcasm.

"Yes, I know you may not believe me, but I honestly don't know what happened. One moment I was composed, and the next I had given an alpha order without even thinking twice."

"Well, Socrates, I suggest you figure it out within the next 30 seconds."

"I," Hyunwoo took another deep breath, "Okay," He tried to think.

"Good, you got 20 seconds left."

Why had he done it? Why had he used an alpha order on Kihyun, who never even did anything? Who's always managed to remember birthdays and significant days to them, despite not getting that in return?

"15 seconds left."

 

Was it because of the fact that he hadn't had a scent until now? Was it because of his own blinded ignorance? His own brutal misjudgment and dehumanization? His own closed minded way of thinking? His own ego telling him that Kihyun had been below everyone? He now knew just what the problem was, what the true explanation was, and he could look it directly in the mirror. The problem was him, it was due to his own lack of control and willingness to understand something different that caused all of this. His own closed mind, his ignorance, was the thing that made all of this happen. Did this make him a bad person? A terrible human being? He didn't want to be a bad person, he wanted to be someone people could look up to; he wanted to be better. What would the fans think if they found out? What would his own family think? His friends? They would all surely be disappointed in him, and how could he blame them? He was disappointed in himself too.

Part of him could still hardly believe he had done something so severe as giving an alpha order to someone who he didn't think was an omega. Does the status of their subgender really matter, though? Especially when it's something as serious as an alpha order? Isn't it all equally bad? His actions would still have been terrible if he had alpha ordered another innocent beta, or another alpha. While omegas did have more severe reactions to an alpha order, the action itself was still disgusting no matter what subgender. This wasn't like the other times where he did it to save someone in his pack; save them from the unwanted prying hands of other alphas, the murderous threats of other betas an omegas, this was different. Kihyun did nothing to warrant Shownu giving an alpha order, all he did was argue valid points, and Shownu got mad.

 

"Nine, eight, seven, six, five-"

"Me."

"What?"

"It was because of me," Hyunwoo held Hyungwon's gaze for the first time since everything happened, "Myself and me alone."

"Care to elaborate?"

"I had felt that Kihyun was below me, below everyone, all because I thought that he wasn't normal like the rest of us. I felt that he wasn't a part of the pack, and that he could never be a part of one because I thought he was different, and so I got angry," He took a deep breath, "I got mad, I felt like he had no right to speak, and before I could control myself, the alpha order came out."

"That, I believe," Hyungwon said and Hyunwoo sighed in relief of not being taken away in cuffs, "That doesn't mean you're off the fucking hook, got it?"

"Yes, I understand." Hyunwoo agreed.

"If you want me to not press charges, then you're going to listen to me, and listen good," Hyungwon said in an intimidatingly authoritative tone, "You're going to go to alpha management, you're going to go to the local college and take a minimum six-month long class in The Science of ABO Biology & Dynamics, and when you manage to fit in time you're going to volunteer at least once a week at SOS so you can learn tolerance."

"SOS?" Hyunwoo questioned, eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Subgender Otherwise Specified, is what it stands for," Hyungwon clarified, "They deal with people who have been cast out of their families and are struggling because their subgender doesn't meet societal norms. There's people who are asexual, aromatic, masculine and dominant omegas, feminine and submissive alphas, betas who make better alphas than the alphas themselves, and anything in between and outside the box."

"Okay, consider it done." Hyunwoo agreed, "Anything you say."

"Anything?" Hyungwon asked for clarification, and spoke again only when Hyunwoo confirmed, "Then I have two more things."

"What are they?"

"Firstly, you're going to have to make it up to that omega you just fucked up. I don't know how, but you're going to figure something out, got it?" Hyungwon questioned and Hyunwoo nodded, "And second, I bet my whole teeth that Kihyun is going to wake back up and go straight for his pills."

"So what do you want me to do?"

"I'm glad you asked," Hyungwon began.

 

Kihyun woke with a painful burning in his lower abdomen, and he groaned as he curled into himself. He hasn't felt the pain of a heat in years, and he was sure it was only worse due to him taking suppressants. Should he take more of them? No, no he promised Minhyuk he wouldn't, and he has to keep his promises. Then again, it's not like Minhyuk has to know. He shuttered out a breath, squeezing his eyes shut as another wave of pain washed through him. It was only a matter of time before he's whimpering and crying for an alpha cock like the weak omega he was. He couldn't do that again, he wouldn't do that again. He would never touch another alpha like that ever again, he refused; refused to be another toy for them to use, another omega for them to take advantage of, another person for them to manipulate. No, if there's one thing he'll never do again, it's have another heat. Heats terrify him, probably irrationally, but that doesn't really matter does it?

No, it doesn't, it never does. Nothing good ever comes from heats; people accidentally mate with him, and then he's stuck trying to outrun someone who stalks him for months on end before the police finally do something. Guilt tugged at his heart at the thought of taking his suppressants, despite promising Minhyuk he wouldn't. He didn't know if it was his heat talking, but he loved the affection that Minhyuk was giving him, and part of him wondered if Minhyuk would end up hating him if he took the pills. A part of his mind had a fleeting, yet powerful thought:

 

ᴹᵘˢ ᵗ ᵒᵇᵉʸ ʸᵒᵘʳ ᵖᵉᵉʳˢ, ᵒᵇᵉʸ ᵃˡ ᵖʰ ᵃ, ᵒᵇᵉʸ, ᵒᵇᵉʸ, ᵒᵇᵉʸ, ᴼᴮᴱʸ, OBEY⁻

 

Kihyun lurched forward, clinging to his own knees as Minhyuk's arm around his waist tightened. His mind was still struggling with the alpha order, despite it being hours later. Blood rushed to his face, making it turn a pinkish hue, as he struggled to come back into his own mind. Obey, obey, obey, obey, obey them. Obey them, it's your duty. Your job. OBEY. OBEY ALPHA. Kihyun choked, quietly wheezing air into his tight lungs, the crushing feeling on his chest only growing heavier. Pills, take the pills. Take the pills, make alpha proud. Do it for alpha. Must please alpha. Must satisfy him. Must make alpha happy. Kihyun blinked, wearily looking around through blurry vision, mind unable to direct any focus or energy into his eyesight. Minhyuk would be mad? Minhyuk is not alpha. Alpha is alpha. Must make alpha happy and take the pills. Alpha's orders are more important. Alpha said to stop. Must stop heat. Must make alpha happy. Somehow, be it through luck or the fact that Kihyun is very small, he got out of Minhyuk's grip without waking him.

With blurry vision and a foggy mind, Kihyun opened the door to the Emergency Nest and wearily climbed out. He managed to trip on himself in the process, tumbling harshly onto the floor, but his brain barely registered it. He crawled his way forward, until he got himself upright again, but his balance was still unaligned. As if he was drunk, he walked down the hallway to the bathroom, almost using muscle memory at this point. His bare feet clumsily padded into the tiled bathroom, only after almost falling by using his body weight to open the door. Clothed knees hit the tile floor, barely noticing the pain now running through him. Pills, pills, pills, pills. Take the pills. Alpha wants pills to be taken. Listen to alpha. Must listen to alpha. Alpha is law. Don't defy alpha. Obey. A pale hand reached into the cabinet, searching for the familiar bag, only to be met with nothing but the wood board. He whined, eyebrows furrowing as panic settled in.

Alpha will be mad. Alphas punish when mad. Must find pills and make alpha happy. Must obey alpha. He, instead of getting up right away, searched the floor for any remaining pills that might've fallen out; and, to his delight, he managed to find one. He needs more though, at least two more. Must keep searching. He blinked hard, vision a bit clearer when he opened his eyes. He sniffed the pill, managing to catch what he smelled like, and he caught something familiar close by. Chocolate eyes searched around the room, landing on the laundry hamper; more specifically, a pair of pants inside the laundry hamper. He quickly crawled over to it, almost falling, and fished inside the pockets to find another pill. He held them tightly in his hands, a small surge of triumph jolting through him. Where would more pills be? Trash, thrown away by prying humans getting into business that isn't theirs. He stood back up, beginning to stumble out of the bathroom when he was stopped by a very familiar pair of arms.

 

"Kihyun, just what do you think you're doing?" Minhyuk questioned, "What's that in your hand?"

"Happiness," Kihyun blurted out, mind still a little hazy.

"Open your hand." Minhyuk said gently, at first.

"No." Kihyun immediately refused.

"Kihyun, open your hand." Minhyuk asked again, this time sounding more demanding.

"No."

"And why not?"

Silence.

"Kihyun, why n-"

"Must obey Alpha."

 

Silence was drawn between the two of them, and though Changkyun and Hyungwon could overhear what they were saying, nobody made a move to either say or do anything. Truthfully, Kihyun had only been asleep for a few hours, and it was no surprise that he was still being affected by Hyunwoo's careless actions. What did surprise Minhyuk was the connection of the alpha order Kihyun made to his pills. Kihyun wasn't in his right mind right now, and Minhyuk was certain that if he was then he wouldn't be doing this. Kihyun needed to stay in the emergency nest until the worst of it passed; any interaction with the other members could completely throw him off. Keeping him away from the scents of others and possible careless tones of voices was the best thing for Kihyun, until the initial flood washed over and the chaos of the ruin left in it's wake was able to rebuild itself. Until Kihyun was mentally ready for the grueling process of picking up the pieces of himself, with the help of Minhyuk if Kihyun allowed it.

Grounding, is what Kihyun needed; someone who was able to be by him without judgement, and remind him of what was wrong and right. Remind him of things he wasn't obligated to do, despite his biology screaming at him otherwise. To remind Kihyun that he was his own person, unique and strong in his own way, and that he was allowed to think for himself. Without someone to ground him, Kihyun could very well stay in a state of the Alpha Order, but that's wasn't a concern because Minhyuk would be there for him. This though, this had to go deeper than just the order that Shownu gave; a toxic mind brewed with a toxic misuse of power provided more than the proper environment to breed an unhealthy mindset. Minhyuk took a brief moment to look at him, trying to make sure there wasn't any physical damage. Minhyuk moved his head up with a gentle hold on his chin, and quickly noticed that Kihyun's pupils were blown into a large black ring, whose radius took up most of the space in which his iris would be.

There was otherwise nothing physical that denoted that he was injured, but he did look completely exhausted. The mental strain of trying to disobey an order, the lack of proper sleep he's gotten, and the pain of the beginning stages of his heat was starting to take both a visual and physical toll. There were bags under his eyes that could rival Marc Jacobs, and his eyes were half-lidded and red from irritation and fatigue. Kihyun lurched forward, caught by an alarmed Minhyuk, before stumbling his way to the toilet. He quickly lifted up the lid, and emptied the contents of his stomach. Which, in hindsight, wasn't an awful lot, but the cologne he drank burned far worse this time around. Minhyuk came around to soothingly rub his back, eyebrows furrowed in concern as he tried to avoid the sight of Kihyun hurling into the toilet. Somewhere between standing with Minhyuk and running to the toilet, Kihyun managed to drop the pills he had in his hands, and Minhyuk had already thrown them in the nearby trash.

Though Kihyun didn't verbally admit so, Minhyuk's hand against his back brought him a small amount of comfort. Enough that when he was finished and flushed, and he wiped his mouth, he let Minhyuk grab him so Kihyun could cry onto his shoulder instead. Minhyuk tried to hush him while softly rubbing the others back, trying to calm the nearly-shot nerves of the younger. Slender arms wrapped around Minhyuk gentle at first, but grew tighter as Kihyun continued to cry.

 

"Are you okay?" Minhyuk gently asked, "Can I ask what made your tummy so upset?"

Kihyun shook his head as he sobbed, his hands gripping Minhyuk's shirt.

"Please, Kihyun? If something's wrong, I need to fix it."

"I," Kihyun paused with uncertainty and a shaky voice, "I bought cologne." Kihyun voice was smaller than normal out of fear.

"Okay, what about it?" Minhyuk questioned, trying to keep his tone gentle and even so that he wouldn't scare Kihyun into silence.

"I might have drank some." Kihyun said, eyes squeezed shut as tears still fell, getting ready for Minhyuk to hit him.

"Drank some? Ki, what were you thinking?" Minhyuk's voice was raised out of worry and Kihyun was surprised that Minhyuk didn't hit him, "You can't just do that, you could die from the chemicals, or worse! It's not safe to-"

"Would that really be so bad?" Kihyun blurted out without thinking twice, a small sniffle following afterwards.

"Hey," Minhyuk moved so that Kihyun was directly in front of him, "Hey look at me."

Kihyun shook his head, feeling a full force of embarrassment and humiliation hit him.

"Kihyun, look at me, please," Minhyuk said in a more gentle voice, and Kihyun hesitantly listened.

 

Kihyun's pupils were still dilated more than they should be, but they weren't as big as before, which is a good sign. Hopefully, it means that he's starting to come down from the effects of the Alpha Order. Minhyuk expects more episodes to happen in the future, it's just a part of the process, but he hopes they won't be as bad as this one. There wasn't a single bone in his body that didn't want to march right over to Shownu and punch him in the gut; the only problems with that were that Shownu was much bigger than him, and that it would probably just make Kihyun worse. He noticed Kihyun's eyes were also puffy and irritated from the amount of crying he was doing, and was mildly worried that Kihyun might dehydrate himself. The tears weren't as heavy, but a few lingering tears were still falling down his cheeks, and Minhyuk made sure to gently wipe them away. The younger shakily breathed in short, shallow breaths as he tried to calm himself back down again, small gasping-hiccups interrupting him.

Minhyuk looked into the others eyes, to show that what he was about to say was true, and that there wasn't a single shred of doubt in his mind. That he was standing firm on his opinion, and nothing could move him even if the entire world tried to. Kihyun's words has struck a chord on his heart strings, a sentence unknowingly sharpened into a spear and slicing a wound in him.

 

"Kihyun, yes that would be bad," Minhyuk started, "If you died, I would be grieving for years, I would miss you so much, Kihyun."

"You'd get over me eventually, you all would." Kihyun's bitter tone said grimly, tears no longer falling, and everyone within earshot was painfully reminded of what they did.

"No we wouldn't, and I most certainly wouldn't," Minhyuk said, "Kihyun, I care about you very much-"

"You don't even know anything about me." Kihyun narrowed his eyes.

"Try me, ask me anything." Minhyuk challenged.

"Fine, what's my favourite color?"

"Blue."

"Do I like coffee or tea more?"

"Coffee."

"Wh-"

"I know that you like going to dog cafe's because all the attention from such small creatures make you feel loved, and that you snore ridiculously loud." Minhyuk said, adding a playful twist at the end, making Kihyun hit his chest.

"I do not! You guys snore louder," Kihyun mumbled, crossing his arms.

"And I know that you love photography, and that you're always taking pictures of things that most people wouldn't care about with your phone, and you somehow make those pictures look so magical." Minhyuk continued, and Kihyun looked away with a visible pink tint to his cheeks.

"Okay, okay, you've made your point," Kihyun said and moved to his previous position, his head resting on the other's shoulder, "I'm tired."

"I know, but you're going to have to see a doctor," Minhyuk stated and Kihyun whined, "I'll see if there's a doctor that can do a house-call, okay?"

"Okay," Kihyun mumbled with a nod, "I wanna sleep."

"Well, as much as I want to lay down and sleep with you, you have to take a bath and then brush your teeth," Minhyuk stated, hugging the other gently, "Your body isn't feeling well, so you need to wash up."

"Can't I just take a bath later?" Kihyun questioned, verging on a whine.

"Yeah, you can, if you want to wake up from sleep later." Minhyuk offered and Kihyun sighed.

"No, I'll just take one now," Kihyun paused for a long moment, debating on whether or not to ask, "Min?"

"Yeah?"

"Can you uh," Kihyun paused again, nerves getting the best of him again, "Can you help me? I don't think I can do it by myself, I might fall asleep in the bath."

"Of course, you're comfortable with it, right?" Minhyuk questioned, wanting to make sure Kihyun felt absolutely okay with it.

"Yeah," Kihyun said with a nod after a moment, "Just," He took a deep breath, "Just don't make fun of me or anything, okay?"

"I'd never do that, Kihyun," Minhyuk said and held Kihyun a bit tighter, "And if someone has done that to you, I'll kick their butt."

 

They both stayed connected for a few moments longer, neither one quite willing to let the other go so soon. Minhyuk's calm and caring demeanor was comforting Kihyun greatly, helping to ease his weary mind out of the episode that occurred just a few moments ago. Kihyun didn't need extravagant displays of affection, or expensive tokens of love, all he needed was skinship. The touch of someone that truly cared, the constant steadiness of them staying beside him no matter what; someone to banish his fear of abandonment that still lingered in his mind. Truthfully, that's all Kihyun really wanted from his members. He could recall gazing out on the first star he saw every night and making the same thought: I wish they would like me. Every birthday he's had, inevitably alone, he could remember wishing that they would just enjoy his existence. He wasn't asking to be treated like royalty, or as if he was the richest man in the world, he was simply asking for friendship.

While Kihyun and Minhyuk were naturally close now, and even though Minhyuk was virtually the only one to show him any form of skinship, guilt still ghosted in the very depths of his mind. I should've been better for him. I should've been there for him more. I should've treated him better. I should've, I should've, I should've. Regrets of unfulfilled simplistic opportunities that could have potentially made Kihyun's life a thousand times better. All the times he's abruptly left the arms of Kihyun to go to someone else, how all those times probably hurt him more than he could probably ever express. All the times he was given the leftovers of choreography and vocal lines by the staff, and how he could've stood up for him or given up some of his own lines. Maybe that was one of the reasons why he was trying to be there for him now, because he's recognized the wrong he's done and is trying to make up for the things he did-or rather, didn't-do.

Kihyun did hold a special attachment for him, and he wasn't just trying to be there for Kihyun out of guilt, but it was a fueling factor in him trying to become a better friend. Minhyuk felt Kihyun put a bit more weight on him, which he didn't mind, but he was slightly suspicions that Minhyuk had fallen asleep. So, with a gentle shake, Minhyuk inquired.

 

"Kihyun? Are you asleep?" Minhyuk questioned softly.

"M-m," Kihyun gently shook his head, "'m awake."

"Alright, good, then I need you to stand up for me," Minhyuk requested and Kihyun whined, "Please?"

"Okay."

 

Kihyun stood up, tired eyes blinking at the sudden contrast of light, before he was promptly sat down on the now closed toilet. First, Minhyuk ran the shower, and let the water warm up as he began to undress Kihyun. His white shirt was easily pulled off of him after Minhyuk asked him to raise his arms, and as soon as the article of clothing was off, his hands immediately went back to his lap. To say the least, Kihyun was tired. He wanted to go back to the nest, take Minhyuk with him, and sleep until the world ended. Admittedly, Kihyun had felt a closer bond to Minhyuk-even more so that Minhyuk was taking on the role of looking after him. Kihyun wasn't blind, he could differentiate between lovers and friends, he wasn't some charity case. Still, the more Minhyuk stuck around and was willing to actually put forth the effort of taking care of him, the closer and more trustful he seemed to get. One could argue that this might be dangerous on his part, and it could very well lead to heartbreak or disappointment, but at this moment Kihyun wasn't too concerned with it.

Right now, he was perfectly content with the blush that dusted his cheeks when Minhyuk politely-albeit nervously-asked him to take his pants off. Or the smell of Orange-Chocolate and herbal shampoo that filled the room. Or how Minhyuk caught him from almost falling when his limbs nearly turned to noodles, and managing to not laugh at him once. The way that Minhyuk helped-when requested-Kihyun wash the rest of him, seeing as how he couldn't get his back or bend down to get the lower half of his legs without falling over. The water felt relaxing against his skin, running through the knots in his shoulders and washing them away. He had taken a shower not that long ago, but he could still feel filth leaving his body. Maybe not so much physical filth like dirt, but the filth of the events that had passed. He could feel his terrified and submissive scent partially be scrubbed away, replaced by a pleasant and gentle herbal fragrance.

The stress on his mind and weight on his shoulders was temporarily erased from him, though they would most definitely be back soon. What mattered right now was that Kihyun could breathe for the first time in a while, and sure it was probably only a matter of minutes after the water shut off that all the worries and troubles would be back, but he could cross that bridge when it comes. Right now, he had a taste of normalcy, and he wanted to enjoy it while it lasted. Sure enough, when the water shut off, and the towel was carefully wrapped around his waist, the flood of emotions came back. A few tears escaped his eyes again, his fatigued brain unable to process any other emotion or do anything else without completely wearing itself out. Kihyun's body was slumped over in a standing position, head hung low as he let his tears fall, only for Minhyuk to hug him into comfort once again. Fresh tears stained Minhyuk's shirt as they stood there, with Minhyuk drawing soft circles in the others back.

"Why do alphas always target me?" Kihyun softly questioned again, voice laced with the exhaustive sorrow he felt.

"I don't know, I wish I could give you an answer," Minhyuk admitted with guilt, "But I honestly don't know."

"Am I just doomed to be a slave to alphas?" Kihyun's voice wavered, not wanting to face that branch of a possible reality.

"Kihyun, no, of course not," Minhyuk held him a bit tighter, "We're omegas, not sex dolls, we have rights just like anyone else."

"Anyone else but me, it seems." Kihyun sighed, slow tears still creating a soft patch on Minhyuk's shirt.

"Kihyun, you're worth so much more than just some pretty little doll for disgusting alphas to prey on," Minhyuk furrowed his brows, "Those creatures aren't even in the ABO dynamics, they're just pieces of shit, and you're not going to ever convince me otherwise," Minhyuk's free hand moved to Kihyun's hair, "You're very talented and you deserve to be treated like a human being, and I'm sorry I didn't treat you well before."

"It's okay, Min, I understand," Kihyun comforted softly, "I think out of everyone, you always tolerated me the most. You were the only one who would come and show me any affection, and those were the days I looked forward to, even if there weren't many."

"No-Ki-it's not okay, I'm so sorry," Minhyuk said as his heart ached at the words he just heard, "You have every right to be mad at me, and it won't stop me from taking care of you until you're well again, okay?"

"Okay," Kihyun said softly with a soft nod, "But I'm not, and even if I was it wouldn't be nearly as mad as I am with everyone else, but" Kihyun paused, "I'll let you know if I ever become mad."

The both of them stood like that for a while, with Kihyun letting his emotions out through the drops leaving his eyes, and Minhyuk silently comforting him to let him know that it was okay. Normally, Kihyun would feel like an idiot for crying-especially so much-but, for some reason, he doesn't feel as stupid at the moment. He doesn't feel like an idiot for letting his guard down and being vulnerable, granted he doesn't feel amazing about it either, but he sort of feels....Okay, about it happening. He wasn't going to rave to Minhyuk about all the secrets he's kept since coming out of the womb, but this was okay. Confiding in Minhyuk his fears of alphas, as well as the true feelings about himself, makes him feel a little better. Did he fully believe Minhyuk's words? No, but it made him feel a little better knowing someone thought of him as more than how he thinks of himself. He didn't know how long Minhyuk was going to stick around, or even if he'd stick around at all once this was all over, but he hoped that he would.

Kihyun hoped Minhyuk would feel compelled to stick around for a little while longer, but wouldn't really blame him if he didn't. Who would? He's not interesting, or handsome, or funny; he's just Kihyun. He just isn't the thing that people like, and sometimes he feels as if he just exists for decoration. A little paperweight for people to gawk at for a moment before moving onto something bigger-something more interesting. He was a terrible person, and an even worse omega; he couldn't even listen to simple alpha orders, or the promise he gave Minhyuk. He feels terrible, but at least his tears have stopped falling. He felt himself be carefully set on the closed lid of the toilet, drops from his hair creating a liquid pathway down his skin. He vaguely registered Minhyuk saying something, something about leaving? Being right back? As Minhyuk went to leave, Kihyun's grip on the others wrist tightened, a small feeling of panic settling in him. Leaving? Why was he leaving?

Is he leaving Kihyun? Leaving forever? Why won't he stay? Did Kihyun do something wrong? Minhyuk said something else, something about clothes and leaving. Is Minhyuk packing his things? Is he leaving because Kihyun's too much to take care of? Kihyun looked up at him with tired eyes, and Minhyuk easily slipped out of Kihyun grip with a gentle smile. Kihyun reached out for him as Minhyuk left the bathroom, making part of his body rest on the sink counter. Another season of panic set in Kihyun, a small wave of tears washing over his eyes. A painful stab in his gut had him whimpering as he cradled himself in an effort to make it feel better. A harsher thrust of pain embedded itself into his gut, and he lurched forward. Why did it hurt? Why was he hurting? Why did it hurt so much? What's wrong? What's going on? It's like it's getting worse with every wave of pain that throws itself at him. Another stab in his gut, and it was enough to have him lurching forward enough to fall off the toilet seat he had been sitting on.

He tumbled to the floor unceremoniously, landing on his side as he curled himself tightly into the fetal position. Bright spots dotted his vision as he clawed at the skin of his stomach, creating small scratches with his short fingernails. He could hear his blood rushing through his ears, tinting his face a pinkish hue. Minhyuk, though he was in an entirely different room, could still tell that something was wrong with Kihyun, despite the other being virtually silent. Kihyun pheromones pumped through the house, coating everything in fright and blueberries. It took everything the others had to not run right over to Kihyun and protect him from the pain his own body was causing, but they knew it was for the better. They knew that if they did, they would just make things worse instead of better. Kihyun wasn't ready for the scents of others yet, and they had to let Minhyuk be the only one to take care of him.

 

"Kihyun, Kihyun look at me." Minhyuk said, but his voice sounded warbled.

Kihyun was hyperventilating, barely still recognizing his surroundings. Minhyuk went to touch him, but Kihyun fought back upon touch.

"G-Get away!" Kihyun managed to squeeze out, "I-I want Min."

"Kihyun, Kihyun it's me," Minhyuk said, starting to release his own orange-chocolate pheromones, "It's me, okay?" He gently gathered Kihyun in his arms.

Kihyun whimpered as he caught the scent of oranges and chocolate, relaxing as the scent strengthened.

"It's me, Kihyun, okay?" Minhyuk brought Kihyun's head to rest near his scent gland, "I'm here."

Kihyun hugged Minhyuk's torso tightly, the pain in his gut beginning to die down, and his pheromones beginning to reel themselves back in.

"What happened?"

Kihyun shook his head, too embarrassed to say.

"Please?"

"I thought you left," Kihyun admitted slowly, "I dunno what happened, next thing I know my tummy hurts."

"I'd never leave you, Kihyun, especially now. I think we should mention it to the doctor though, is that okay?" Minhyuk asked and Kihyun weakly nodded.

"Yeah," Kihyun agreed.

"Okay, let's get you changed and your teeth brushed so we can sleep, sound good?" Minhyuk questioned and Kihyun hummed at the idea.

"Sleep sounds nice."

"Alright, can you brush your teeth for me then while I get your clothes on?"

Kihyun nodded softly, and Minhyuk pulled him away to wipe away the stray tears.

"Let's get started then, hm?" Minhyuk offered a gentle smile.

 

Kihyun nodded, and let himself be placed back on the toilet seat. Minhyuk had gotten his brush, placed the toothpaste on it before running it briefly underwater, and handed the object to Kihyun. Admittedly, he was a bit slow and lazy, unable to get him arms to move at the speed he wanted. His body felt exhausted, like he had just tried to tackle on one of Wonho's ridiculous workout routines. He managed to get halfway through before Minhyuk was wanting him to raise his arms so he can put his shirt on, and Kihyun complied without protest. After slipping on his own underwear, he lost himself in his own thoughts as he continued to brush his teeth. Hyungwon brushed his teeth weird, he did it in circles rather than just back and forth like everyone else. A vague memory of his own dentist recommending the same thing when he was a kid flashed in his mind before quickly fading away. His body mindlessly complied with the gentle demands of Minhyuk as a pair of sweatpants were slipped onto him.

How long was he going to feel like this? It was as if he was lost in the middle of the ocean, passing by ships and boats as if the vessel's captain's couldn't hear him. How many more times was he going to cry just because Minhyuk was gone a second too long? Or feel an aching emptiness when he was alone, where his vile thoughts could enter his brain with little resistance? How long was he going to have to rely on the heavenly scent of Minhyuk to calm him down and bring him back to Earth? It was as if the very second he was alone, everything got worse. His self hatred, his almost overwhelming desire to submit to Shownu, the slow burning in his gut that reminded him his heat was very near. That scared him more than anything, the idea of having a heat after years of going without one. They say it's not good for omegas to never have heats, and that they should at least have a few a year, and that the longer you put one off, the more it was going to hurt.

If that was true, and science proved right once again, then his heat was bound to be four times as painful as anything he's ever been through. He didn't want to have a heat, but he didn't have a choice, did he? Why was his heat taking so long to rear it's ugly head? Was the world just teasing him for being such a brat? Was the universe prolonging it so that he could be reminded that he truly is everything he hates about himself in the most biological of ways. Alphas scare him more than anything in the world, and it was the anxiety of knowing soon he'd just be reduced to biology and begging for the nearest alpha to fill him with their cock. For him to be bred like some primal animal reduced to basic instinct, begging for the nearest alpha to fill him up with so much cum that he'd still be leaking the following morning. The anxiety-inducing possibility of having to go through all that pain by himself with nothing to relieve him frightened him more.

He's heard of some omegas losing their mind from a heat that was too painful for their brains to manage, and they end up as hollow shells. Rumor has it that some of them are in a permanent state of heat and burning pleasure, and used in underground and black market breeding rings. God, that truly repulsed him. Alphas were disgusting, and he couldn't help but feel a sickness in his stomach at the thought of them. Shownu seemed to just prove his point of thought that alphas were nothing more than demanding perverts, or in serious need of anger management, and sometimes both. Was it a little offensive for him to be so discriminatory towards alphas? Yeah, probably, but he has more than enough reason; he's been through more than enough trauma to warrant him to be scared for his fucking life every time an alpha enters the room. Sure, some of their fans were alphas, but that fact didn't ease his own thoughts. Alphas have been nothing but disgusting towards him.

If he wasn't being verbally abused by them, he was being sexually abused, and he'd be rotting in the deepest pits of Hell before he ever let anything like that happen again. His solution? Never be alone with an alpha. Never trust an alpha, they only want one thing. Finally; don't be near an alpha during heat, it never turns out good. Now, after years of following his own rules, he was about to break his most important one all because of his stupid fucking biology. What good has being an omega ever brought him? Was it the present of his parents disowning him three days before Christmas? Or maybe it was all the wonderful times where an alpha has abused his power when Kihyun was his heat? Oh no, wait, maybe it was all the times he's gotten cornered in an alley because he just smelled too sweet? Were those supposed to be things he was grateful for? Was he supposed to be some god damn hentai character, begging for any cock that came his way, taking anything he was given, and begging to be filled to the brim?

People glorify and romanticize sexual abuse and rape, thinking it's so romantic if your alpha is so aroused by you and just can't contain themselves. It's fucking disgusting. As Kihyun lives and breathes, he's here to be a witness to the fact that there was nothing romantic about being stripped of your clothing by a stranger in a public alley, with not even the cover of night to shield your vulnerability as everyone passes by and watches without a word or protest as you get violated. There's nothing romantic about falling in love with a scum of a human being, thinking that they could get better if you just loved them more, and have them come home and beat you into submission every night. There's nothing beautiful or romantic of having to wear layers of foundation on your body to cover marks from people you don't even know and would never even see again. There's nothing gorgeous about crying yourself to sleep for the millionth night in a row because you just can't figure out why nobody loves you.

He's not going to land on the cover of Vogue because he's sat up for nights on end without sleep, haunted by the events that has happened to him. He's not going to end up a model for Dior on Paris Fashion Week because he sat in the shower for hours trying to scrub off the filth that he felt after every incident. He's not going to win an Emmy because he got a broken wrist from someone who got a high off of his pain. There wasn't going to be Hollywood Star dedicated in his honor for all the times he yelled for help when people were around, only for everyone to watch in silence as if what was going on didn't matter. As if he should be happy that any alpha wants to take a lowlife like him. As if he, as an omega, should be proud that he's doing his duty. As if he it was his fault that his heat came unexpectedly too early, or that it was his fault for smelling just a little too nice that day. Or that he shouldn't have worn such tight pants, or a shirt that cut just a little too low, or that maybe he shouldn't have worn makeup.

That he should've enjoyed that time when five alphas caught him as he was walking to get something from the corner store after an excruciating week from his heat, because 'your slick smells too sweet, you must want some cock'. As if he should be fucking grateful for all the times an alpha has called him a disgusting whore all because he said no. It's not fucking beautiful, it's not romantic, people who do that don't love you somewhere deep down, they're fucking monsters who get off on knowing they're monsters. They're entitled pricks who think that omegas belong below them, at the very bottom of the food chain. As if this is the fucking old days and omegas are only prizes for their looks and their breeding abilities. Fuck that shit. He has a damn good reason for fucking hating alphas, and for hating himself for being an omega. Being a beta would've made his life so much easier. He wouldn't have gone through half the shit he did if he was just a beta, and a beta he became.

Sure, he got addicted and dependent on the pills, but fuck can you blame him? Is he really to be blamed for not wanting to relive the horrors of his past? For wanting a fresh start, a new slate? For wanting to go just one fucking week without someone trying to force themselves on him? Yeah, being addicted wasn't a good thing, and addiction is never anything to be glorified or something he should be proud of, but you know what? He's fucking proud of himself for finding a way for him to pick up the pieces of himself again. He's proud that he found a solution to his problems, that he stopped life dead in the fucking tracks and told it to fuck off. He's proud he stopped the cycle of his abuse, but that amounts to what now? An alpha order as soon as he stops the pills, and a heat that might make him go crazy from the amount of pain he's supposed to endure? It means nothing now. All the work he did to try and craft a better future for himself was flushed down the drain.

He wore that perfume for one day, and he had the hungry stares of alphas on him. His omega biology came back for one day, and every alpha he saw looked as if they wanted to pounce on him. Some fucking life he's living, right?

 

"Min, I know you're probably out of it right now because you're so tired, but just know that I care about you, okay?" Minhyuk said, bringing the other out of his own world, "Just know that I'd never let anything bad happen to you. I'd never let a single alpha take advantage of you like that ever again, okay? I'll punch them in the nose with their own fist.

Kihyun cracked a smile and nestled himself comfortable on Minhyuk, noticing they were back in the little nest, "I care about you too. I know I haven't been in the best of minds, but right now there's a clearing in the fog of my brain, and I can think like me for a short while instead of being plagued by my own mind," Kihyun began in a soft voice that Minhyuk hadn't heard in a while, "I know I might seem clingy right now, and I'm sorry, but it's because for once I truly care about someone," Kihyun furrowed his brows, his head resting on Minhyuk's chest, "For once someone isn't pushing me into things, or forcing me to do anything, it's like you actually care about my opinions and well being."

"I do, Kihyun."

"I know, and I want you to know I appreciate everything you're doing," Kihyun moved to sit on his haunches to look Minhyuk in the eyes, "I don't know how long it'll be before I get another clear-headed moment like this, so I want to say everything I can while I still have my own mind back." Kihyun took a deep breath.

"Go ahead, I won't talk until you're done."

"My heat is going to come soon, and it scares me to the deepest of my core, and I need you to know I can't be around an alpha. Please, please, please, please don't let me, okay? I don't want to be crying and begging for the first alpha I see to breed me like some slave, promise me that?" Kihyun said, tone rushed.

"Of course, Kihyun. I'll punch anyone who comes after you right in the dick, okay?" Minhyuk said, sitting up and holding Kihyun's hands tightly.

"I don't know how long it'll take me to get better, or to recover from the things I've experienced, but I want to get better. I want to get closer to the members without being scared just because Shownu and Wonho are alphas," Kihyun exhaled a breath, "I'm still....Mad...At Shownu for doing what he did. I'm pissed, and I hope he gets help to get better, but can I ask you for another favor?"

"Yeah, sure, anything." Minhyuk nodded.

"Can you tell Hyungwon that I don't think I'm mad at him? I remember him being concerned about the pills I was taking, and I remember him hugging me back when I had gotten really tired and hugged him because I had forgotten that I shouldn't, and he didn't seem mad or put out to have to show me affection. My brain is like it's covered in honey right now, but I remember that he took charge when he didn't have to, and I could see he was struggling because of what Shownu did, and tell him I'm not mad at him. Tell him that I forgive him, okay?" Kihyun pleaded, and Minhyuk nodded, "Oh, and please check on Jooheon when you get a chance and when I'm sleeping, I think I remember him crying, and now that I remember it I'm worried."

"I promise, Ki." Minhyuk gave his word, and Kihyun blushed under the nickname.

"Thanks," Kihyun smiled a little, "I really do appreciate everything you're doing for me. I'm not mad at you for before, when you all thought I was a mystery sub-gender or whatever. I can't promise I'll trust everyone as quickly as I did with you, but I think I'm willing to work on it. We're a group, and I want to make things better, if not for me then our fans. They deserve the best version of us, and if you all would like to get better with me, then we're all going to need to go to a group thing together. Like counselling or whatever, and I hope that's okay with everyone."

"I'm sure it will be Ki, we can ask them when you're ready if you want? Or I can ask them for you?" Minhyuk offered and Kihyun sighed.

"I don't know, I'll try and think about it more, but I think I should tell them." Kihyun confirmed and Minhyuk smiled, "What? Why are you smiling?"

"Because you're such a softie!" Minhyuk declared before tackling Kihyun into a hug, who released an actual giggle, "Kihyun the Softie!"

"Oh God, no don't say that-"

"King of Marshmallows!"

"That's just WORSE-" Kihyun was trying to suppress his laughter,

"Kihyun, the softest softie to ever soft!" Minhyuk attacked the other's face in kisses.

"Ahh!! Stop!! I'm going to explode!" Kihyun giggled again, trying to weakly push him off (not that he actually wanted Minhyuk to stop).

"No way! I've been waiting do shower you in kisses, and I'm NOT missing my opportunity!"

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> i hope you liked this chapter, my favourite part to write was the little ending snippet with ki and min being cute uwu i also hope you guys don't mind that i broke up all the angst and sadness with just a little bit of fluff!! i wanted the friendship between the two of them to be something more than just min taking care of him, which isn't necessarily a bad thing, but their friendship should have more depth, you know?? :33 i like writing fluff as much as i do angst, but please feel free to leave your feedback!! and thank you to everyone who left it on the last chapter!! it really does mean a lot!! :DD
> 
> see you in the comments or the next chapter!!
> 
> cheers! xoxo


	6. [Not A Chapter] Clarification

Hi! I'm here to just make this little thing to answer some pretty common questions that I've seen, and I figured I'd place them here with their explanations to make it easier for those who have those same questions in the future! :) if you think there should be a question & explanation that should be added, just comment what the question is and I'll be happy to add it to the list!! :D These are in no order by the way c:

 

 

1.) ** _Why would Shownu go to jail over something called an 'alpha order'?_**

 

•••• I'm going to try to explain this as best I can! Imagine someone saying something, commanding you to do something, and suddenly you have no control over your body. Suddenly, even though you DON'T want to do the thing they demanded, your body is being forced to comply all because of how someone said something. It's like that. An alpha order on omegas (in this universe) is illegal for many reasons. Firstly, it's banned because of omega biology and history. In the past, long ago, alpha orders were used by omegas who were 'unwilling to breed', and so alpha orders were given to those who put up a fight. Basically omegas were treated as less than a person because of their biology, and were only seen as breeders, and any omega who put up a right, any omega who decided to take control of their OWN body because just because they're alphas, doesn't give them a right to own omegas, were met with alpha orders.

 

When an alpha 'alpha orders' an omega, that alpha has taken control of that omegas body, despite them not giving consent for anything. That's the second reason: Body Autonomy. Everyone has the right to their own body, whether they want to put a tattoo on their body, or nothing at all, everyone has a /right/ to their /own/ body. By alpha ordering an omega, you're stripping them of their body autonomy and bending them to your will like a puppet.

 

2.) **_Shownu got off easy/should've been punished harsher._**

 

•••• I can 100% understand where you're coming from. I wrote it like that because simply sending him to prison doesn't fix the issue. It's better to teach someone that what they do is wrong, to teach them to stop doing those bad things, and have them relearn tolerance and acceptance. Though, you can only teach someone better ways if they're willing to receive that information and change in self. Have no doubt though, if Shownu shows no signs of wanting to change, Hyungwon will have no hesitation with reporting him to the police, because then at that point, he's a danger to society. Shownu is, however, aware of the severity of his actions. I do agree that he needs to sit in himself for a while, but he hasn't been forgiven.

 

3.) **_how come everyone started liking him after the alpha order, when just a chapter ago they hated Kihyun?_**

 

•••• This is because hating someone doesn't and shouldn't stop you from recognizing when someone is doing or did something despicable to that person you hate. Everyone of them knows how bad and how absolutely disgusting it is for someone to give an alpha order. No one deserves to be given an alpha order, and they know that. Shownu's only done it when one of the members is in danger, which is how you're taught to handle alpha orders. Alphas, in school, are taught about how their biology can have traumatizing effects on others, especially omegas. Sure, some of the members didn't really like Kihyun that much. But did they hate him to the point to where they wished something as terrible as that to happen to him? No.

 

4.) ** _Why did Kihyun drink perfume?/Why do scents matter?_**

 

••••In ABO Dynamics, scents is how you identify someone or something, everything has a scent; from the shoes that have never been worn, to the tile on the supermarket floor, to the insects that buzz around. Everything has a scent, and for something to have no scent at all, it's easy (again, in this universe) for that person or thing to go unrecognized by the brain because there's no scent connected to them, so it's kind of like an empty void, if that makes sense. If you noticed, people were a lot more accepting of Kihyun when he had a scent, which just goes to show how behind their society still is. Scents aren't the end all be all, but in a societal sense they kind of are. Kihyun was easily forgotten and ignored by many people for this reason alone, he was sick and tired of it.

 

When you push and push and push someone, when that person is beat down and belittled every day, at some point (usually) they're going to do something irrational and probably stupid.

 

5.) **_Why is Minhyuk so nice to Kihyun? it's weird._**

 

••••There was a bit of foreshadowing in the chapters leading up to the one where Minhyuk and Kihyun cuddled. Minhyuk has been the one to show the most affection towards Kihyun, even though it wasn't really that much. Minhyuk was the one person that, when Kihyun was more consistently on the suppressants, to sit right on Kihyun's lap and cuddle him. Though Minhyuk never stayed for very long because of the lack of a scent that Kihyun produced made him uncomfortable, it was still something he initiated far more often than the rest. Minhyuk knows how much suffering Kihyun might be in, and to top it off he feels terribly guilty for everything he's done, and he actually does care about Kihyun (though it surfaced more after Shownu did what he did).

 

 

 

I hope that cleared up some things!! If I missed anything, or you'd like anything to be added and clarified, please don't hesitate to comment! ^_^


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